Granny's Advice

Thank you, Worried

Dear Worried,

Yes, by all means, do put those children in their place, not by scolidng them, but do it in this manner.

First make the plan with your own son so he will cooperate with the scheme. Designate an area where the children will be asked to occupy and tell them as they arrive that in your house you have a rule about children. They stay where they are asked to stay and do not go anywhere else.

In that area, be it your back yard or porch (in good weather), or be it a den or bedroom, or even a space in the hallway, place some things they might enjoy. Whatever you put there will depend on the ages of the children coming. Also provide them with cookies or whatever is to be eaten.

Tell them at the outset that they may not go into the kitchen, that they may not even touch your computer, or any other equipment around the house.

If this offends their parents they won't bring them back to your house, unless it turns out that they really do have a good time within your limits.

When they finally leave, if the visit has been hectic, have a little "apres la deluge" party with your son, laughing and chatting about how it all went. Having been cooped up with those wild kids all afternoon or evening he'll be ready to let it all out and enjoy a little sensible conversation with his parents.

I'm not suggesting that you treat them like criminals, just give them their special place to have a good time without getting in everyone else's hair. If they decide to make a nuisance of themselves anyway, you must make a gigantic effort to ignore them no matter how loud they get. Leave it to their parents to deal with it. They won't stay long. And if your son can't stand the clatter, he should quietly go to his room and pertend they are not in the house.

Supposing those friends of yours are the sort you really like to be with, and you want them to return without their children, then you would have to tell them that you'd love to have them over some evening if they can get a baby sitter because you have noticed that their children do not enjoy being in your house.

Maybe this approach will help. If you absolutely cannot confine other people's children when they are in your house, then the alternative is to simply tell your friends that having their children in your house is too hard on your nerves, so to please come on over but leave the kids elsewhere.

I have had the same problem, very rarely, but it happens, with my own grandchildren. In that case there is absolutely nothing you can do - as I see it. You can ask the children not to ruin your books, carpets, etc... but if they do anyway, you still love them and weigh the pleasure of their lifelong friendship against the value of the items they have destroyed. Family solidarity usually wins out.

When you mention electronics - I imagine little fingers fiddling with my computer and that's where I draw the line. I disconnect the entire system that I use, and leave another old computer for them to experiment with, if they want to. There's too much at stake here to let anyone loose with my own files. If other people's children in your home want to play computer games or surf the web on your computer, tell them it is out of order, and make sure it is - removal of one cable will do it every time.

Funny thing is that those kids will grow up and get their own equipment and will not let anyone touch it either. Meanwhile, protect what you have and don't worry about hurting their feelings. Give them a party but don't let it include wrecking your house.

Yours sincerely, GG