Granny's Advice

I did not know who else to turn to. I think that part of the reason she dislikes me is because I am now in college and he is still in high school. Two years age difference is not that big of a deal. Age does not matter if you really love someone. She is always asking him why I waste my time with him but I rather be with him than anyone else. I am sorry for venting but I am just a little angry. She refussed for him to go out this weekend once again. Weekends are the only time I can see him. My appologise again but I was just woundering if you could help. Thank you for your time.

Dear girlfriend,

Just wait. And while you are waiting do a bit of research. By the time your boyfriend has moved away from his mother's influence and has become your more permanent partner you may have discovered what it is about you that upsets his mother, and may even have done something about it. Time is on your side and in this case time is your friend. Use it.

Perhaps it is just your very existence that worries her. She may feel that she is losing her son and is trying to delay the inevidable. One day you will have a son and I hope you will be able to remember this experience, and let him go gracefully when he finds himself a girlfriend.

Writing your letter to me was a great big step. You have finally put down in words what is bothering you most; and when you think it over, it's really not a heck of a lot in the grand scheme of life.

She cuts your phone calls down to size. That's not serious. Maybe she thinks he's wasting his time sighing and whispering to you when he should be studying, or working, or eating, or just chatting with his mother! And really, ten minutes on the phone is not just a phone call, it's a visit. You could give him a quick rundown on what's been going on, tell him you love him, ask him if he's alright, make a date for your next meeting, all in five minutes if you just put your mind to it.

His mother's concern about you being an "older women" is classic. She wants her son to be the master in his own home when he eventually gets married and may worry about the possibility of you "taking over". The relationship between you and your boyfriend is private to you two and there is absolubely no way that anyone else could possibly understand it, least of all a worried mother.

Since he's still in high school, and living home, there's really nothing you can do about the relationship with his mother, so just accept it, be patient, be as kind to her as you are to her son, and maximize on the fact that when you are with her she is pleasant with you and seems to accept you as a friend.

Later on in life you and she should be best of friends. Those tired old "mother-in-law" jokes are fabrications of silly people. Remember that she is the person who raised this marvellous man with whom you are now in love! He may resent her now but he is in fact a product of her love and devotion over many years.

Never tell your boyfriend what to do when she is around, never let her think that you disapprove of anything they do in that household, always remember the nice little things you can do to please here, and for goodness sake get off the phone!

This year will pass and the more effort you put into it the happier you will be next year. I promise you that. Also remember that if you can avoid confrontations with his mother you stand a better chance of keeping him. Though you feel secure in his love just now, that could change if the disagreements continue. His history with his mother may not seem stronger but it certainly is much longer than with you.

No, dear, I'm not trying to frighten you, just hoping you will look at the facts as they are. He is now his mother's son. Any transfer from that safe haven to becoming your partner will depend on more than just love and phone calls. Only your ability to rise to this challenge can make the transition smooth and sure.

Good luck.
GG