Boy friend
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Unconventional family has in-law troubles too.
My boyfriend's mother hates me.
MY boyfriend's mother hates me too.
Boyfriend's mother too affectionate?
Problems with my parents and my boyfriend.
Should I dump my boyfriend?
My live in boyfriend clams up at the mention of marriage.
My boy friend won't get a divorce.
My boy friend fancies my mother.
My boyfriend wants me to wait for his wife to decide to leave him.
I'm crazy about this guy .... should I tell him?
My boyfriend is tied to his Mother's apron strings.
My boyfriend is a drug addict ex-con but I see him as more than that.
My boyfriend is jealous of my online friends and any male acquaintances.
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- Dear Great Granny.
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I am very confused and seem to have exhausted all possibilities known to me. Not that you are a last resort but more like a new hope.
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. We have been living together for over a year also. He had a serious drug porblem (heroin) before we had gotten together and I didn't know about it for quite some time. In the beginning things were great (I am sure you know that story) but of course things changed for the worse, drastically.
He stole $1000 from my sister, his friend robbed my mother and he ended up in jail for 57 days. I took him back when he got out and we moved into an apartment. Everything seemed to be going fine for about a month. He was talking about marriage and children and our future and of course as any woman would be I was excited about this. He had started working, changed jobs, lost his job, went back on drugs, etc. We shared our money which at this point I was the only one with an income. Money was squandered and when I questioned him about it he always had some kind of excuse and because I wanted to believe it I did.
Well, needless to say we moved out of our apartment and into my fathers house where eventually things got worse as my father caught on to what was going on and told my boyfriend he had two weeks to find a job or he had to leave. Being he had no where else to live I was upset by this. I had lost my job at this point becausemy boss accused my boyfriend of stealing a lot of money. So now we were both unemployed. Next, came more lies on his part.
Then something was stolen from out of my car (what it was I feel is irrelevant) and when he told me he was robbed I didn't believe him, so I broke up with him and kicked him out.
After 2 weeks, he checked himself into a detox where he is now and he is trying to make a recovery and wants to work things out.
Now that you have the background let me get to the question.. many people tell me that I have too much going for me
to be with him. I am a honors student at college graduating in may and beginning my masters in september. I am pursuing a criminal justice career. They say I have no business being with a drug addict ex-con but I see him as
more than that.
Please help me I am torn. I went to theary where they told me I am a codependent. Please give me some advice or if you can't can you please tell me who can.
Thank you so much for your time
- Dear friend
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Yes, you are right. Your weak, unfortunate lover is much more to you than simply "a drug addict ex-con" - he is also a close friend, confidante, and the person with whom you have shared much of your growing up years. Don't desert him in any of these capacities, but do separate your living arrangements from his as soon as you can.
Never fail him as a friend. Always be there to talk with him, advise him if that's what he wants, and try to help him succeed in everything good he may try to do with his life. But do not tie your life to his and never give him money, or access to you or your home again.
Actively seek other friends and don't think about marriage and children until you have found someone your children will be proud to have as a father. Also, let it be a person whom your family will be able to accept as one of theirs.
Marriage is between families as much as between individuals. I'm not suggesting that you let your father choose your friends, but it is only common good sense to respect your father's advice.
When you let your boyfriend know that you have decided to move on with your life, without him, he will attribute your
decision to all sorts of heinous motives but stand your ground. You won't need to list all the times he has failed to live up to his promises; don't even try. Just tell him that you have decided to live without him and ask him to move out.
If he refuses to move out of your father's house, then move out yourself. Take a stand. Be strong. His weakness has been drugs, lying and stealing - your weakness has been letting his habits rule your life as well.
Break the hold he has on you right now. No matter what terrible consequences he may plan for your having "deserted" him, they could never be as terrible as the consequence of your spending the rest of your life with him.
When you break the news to him that you have decided to separate your life from his, be sure you make him know that you can always be friends. This might not happen, but make it a part of your plan. He will shout, cry a lot, threaten you, but stand strong. Long experience has taught you that he is weak, but you don't need to be. He has and will determine the direction of his own life; it is time for you to determine the direction of yours.
Good luck,
GG
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