Granny's Advice

On the positive side, she is very friendly, even tempered, and seems to understand most things that we say. She is very busy at play and has a good sense of humor. For example, the dog really cracks her up. She also tries to comb her hair and pretend to talk on the phone.

Perhaps we are expecting her to be precocious in some area since I talked up a storm early and my husband walked at 8 months. I don't know whether to relax or be worried and try to fix things.....

Our pediatrician says that he would like her to weigh more and that she is behind in walking, but generally it's not a big deal.

What do you think?

Worried Mom

Dear worried,

Stop worrying!

Let the doctor worry if he thinks she is "behind in walking" but don't you give it another thought. As for the being underweight, well, that's another matter and I'm sure your doctor will keep his eye on that specific problem, IF it is really a problem. Maybe she is just going to be one of those lovely slim young ladies we all wish we could have been!

However, concerning her walking and talking - relax. One of my nephews never stood up until he was two years old and now he is a university professor. Now I know that is just anecdotal and proves nothing, but children learn these things on their own schedules. Never try to compare your own wonderful child with any one else's. It just doesn't work that way.

Your child's beautiful disposition should be more of a comfort to you than how many words she can utter. I remember a friend I had who kept telling me how many words her child understood - it was up in the thousands last time I heard! I never ever had any idea how many words MY children understood - how would I know? We talked all the time in our house and dear knows which of the children understood what? Some of them talked all the time and others hardly said a word, but they are all professional communicators now, so what does that tell me?

In our Psychology class in college we had charts of what children would probably do, or know, or say, at various stages of their growth. Even then I challenged the usefulness of those charts, and after I had raised a bunch of my own children and watched them raise their children, I challenge their usefulness even more. The charts are based on statistics which include perfectly fine babies at both ends of every scale, but there is a tendency for young parents to expect their children to perform at the top of the chart, or at least in the middle.

There is no logic in such expectations. Your daughter might be slow to talk until she has something she wants to say, and never want to walk at all until there's somewhere she wants to go. In a few years you might be wishing she would still sit still and stop talking!

Of course I'm making light of what you now think might be a problem, but I assure you that the less you think about her walking and talking, the sooner she'll be doing both, at her own rate.

Please get some advice about nutrition from a nutritionist who can help you find out what your daughter will eat that will help to build up her strength. Medical doctors, typically, know little about nutrition. It's not included in their courses and is not on their exams, so what they know is just what their mothers told them, or they read somewhere.

It could just be a matter of finding out what she likes and letting her have all she wants, whenever she wants it. Sometimes a strict mealtime routine doesn't suit certain children. They would rather sort of graze, like little animals. Even if it upsets your own notion of sitting down to meals at mealtime, giving her free range might help her gain a bit right now. That's not medical advice, just my gut feeling about an underweight child. I never had one, so what do I know?

Have you ever been told that horses and dogs know when you are nervous? Well, babies do too. Your little girl knows you are worried about her and that's not helping her. So try to forget that she isn't learning at the speed you would like to see. Actually, at her age, she is learning more every day than you and I do in a week - maybe a year!

Now - as for your husband walking at 8 months - I hope he didn't get bowlegged or knock-kneed using his tiny little legs so early! My mother-in-law used to tell me that her children were toilet trained at two months - of course I didn't believe her - but it was supposed to make me feel delinquent because my own children spent so long in diapers. But as far as I'm concerned, these things couldn't matter less.

I'm glad your child loves her dog and is trying to use a comb, and the phone - those things matter too. Enjoy her as she is. I think she's precious.

Yours sincerely, GG