Granny's Advice

Renting a storage shed won't help since she is already renting one and has two sheds packed full in her backyard. Her screened-in porch, which could be nice and used year-round, is packed with only enough room to get in the door to the house. I thought having her 2 year old granddaughter move in with her 4 months ago would make her want to clean up. It hasn't. She even makes comments about how messy her house is, like it doesn't even bother her. My father-in-law is just getting back to work after having bypass surgery and doesn't feel like dealing with mess at home. Even he can't get her to clean up. Please help us if you can. How can we get her to "see the light" or atleast her living room floor? I would appreciate any suggestions you might have.

Thank You! Worried Mom -- Dear still worried,
Sorry I can't help you. It's your mother in law who needs help and she has not asked me. Even if she did it would not be easy to think of words that could make a difference in her life. Everything has got out of hand I'm afraid. Her husband is not well, her house is a mess, and has been for 30 years, and her daughter in law is worried about her.

I bet she's in a terrible mental state herself, too, and would just love to be in a position to welcome her granddaughter into the house and be a real good granny to her. Since the house is in turmoil, I'm sure her mind is too. All you can do about it is to stay away because it just bothers you to be there. If your husband can stand visiting them once in a while, he could do it alone, or maybe take his daughter along for a visit, watching her all the time so she won't get into trouble.

Asking her over to your parents' place is a nice idea, and also I think it would be nice if you could go over to their place and see your father in law - just to cheer him up while you are in the neighbourhood.

But you can't possibly look on their home as anything more than a place to drop in on infrequently. I think your mother in law should see a doctor. Not one of those male physicians who blame all women's problems on the fact that they are "not getting any younger" or some such nonsense. If her home has been in such a state for that long, she is not a well woman. OR maybe, just maybe, it really isn't as bad as you think it is. Maybe she just has a more casual approach to housework.

Whatever it is, my dear, I do not think there is anything YOU can do about it. Her son might get her to a doctor - but probably not. I feel very sorry for her because I don't think she is a bad person, just a sick person.

Yours sincerely, GG