I recently got married and have watched the relationship between my mother and my wife disintegrate before my eyes. My relationship with my mother over the last few years has been strained at best but we have always managed to put our differences behind us and remain civil towards each other. We have gone through periods where my mother doesn't speak to me for weeks, and in the past I have often called her to initiate a reconciliation. I know that she is not perfect, is set in her ways, and can be difficult to deal with. That said, she is still my mother and I love her.
My wife on the other hand, has never had a good relationship with my mother. When we got engaged she was happy for us but soon became upset when she didn't agree with the date we had chosen to get married on. Therefore, she did not speak to either of us for two months. We managed to patch things up before my wife's bridal shower and our wedding, but the situation was very tense.
About a month before our wedding, my fiancée and I were at my parents looking through a photo album. My mother takes a ton of pictures and has them in albums which are labelled and placed in chronological order. While looking through the album we came upon pictures of me with other girls I had dated. This upset my wife since she and her family view this type of thing as disrespectful. My wife told me how uncomfortable this makes her and added that she did not want to go to my parents house as long as those pictures were out for others to see.
I called my mother and asked her if she would "edit" her pictures to remove any of me with another girl. She doesn't think she should have to do this and explains that they are only pictures and they belong to her.
Needless to say, my wife and I haven't been to my parents in almost two months. The last time she invited us, my wife wound up speaking to her about this issue and things were not left on a good note.
I feel caught in the middle and think the two of them are being petty and have turned this into a contest to see who can exert the most influence over me.
What can I do or say to have this problem come to a peaceful resolution? Is my wife making too much out of this picture issue? Is my mother being completely unreasonable and mean to my wife?
HELP!!
Your wife is making a total fool of herself and if she can't grow up you should just stop trying to tame her.
Keep her away from your mother. They argued about such silly things as the planning of your wedding and that should have been a warning. They probably will never become friends.
Some women feel that it is essential for them to carry on a perpetual war with their mother in law and work at it until they have driven their husbands to distraction. I'm afraid your wife is in this category. She is jealous of your mother because you love her and your wife apparently thinks that every ounce of your attention should be directed at herself.
I don't think anything you can do or say will change her. You just have to hope that one of these days she will grow up.
I'm sorry I can't help you with the problem except to assure you that it won't go away.
As for the pictures of your younger years with other friends, I suppose your wife would like to pretend that she is the only woman you ever knew. Since those pictures threaten her I don't know why she would bother looking at them, but it is stupid of her to expect your mother to remove them from her albums.
You will always love your mother, of course, but you will have to visit her alone. Don't impose your wife on her because I'm sure she will never even try to get along with your mother.
Life could be so simple if all grown people would act like grownups. No matter what a wonderful person you have married, it seems she has one serious flaw and you either have to accommodate her by keeping her away from your mother, or else you could tell her to shape up or ship out!
I don't think you want to take such a drastic action, so just keep them apart and hope your wife will eventually see the light.
Truly yours,
GG
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