I am 20 years old. I have always considered myself to be a pretty independent person. My mother has always taught me to learn to take care of myself and not to depend on a man. My parents have been happily married for 23 years, so its not like she is a man hater or anything like that, she just wants me to know that I can be perfectly fine in life without a man. I am still young, so I am not looking to settle down, but it would be nice to have someone around sometimes.
All of my girl-friends are very different from me, they all NEED boyfriends. They cant go a week without. It's like they take the first guy that comes along, and then they spend all there time with them and I am always left out, or I am the third wheel. I haven't had a boyfriend in over a year, due to a broken heart. I don't trust guys anymore. My whole "dating life" I have always been the one to break up with them, and I never got attached or found anyone that I wanted to devote all my time to. But a year ago, I met my first love.
Granny, I loved him more than anything, it was like fate how we met. I got lost and he gave me directions, and I gave him my phone number, which is another thing that I usually don't do, and he called me that same night.The first time I saw him, I knew that he was different. I am a firm believer in love at first sight because it happened to me.. I just think,
what if I wouldn't have gotten lost or he wouldn't have been putting gas in his car, we never would have met.
But anyways, we only dated for about 9 months, which for me is a long term relationship, and one day out of the blue,
he broke up with me. I was devastated, I cried myself to sleep every night, and I DON'T cry over guys...its not me... So, its been a year since he broke up with me, but about every 2 or 3 months, he shows up, or calls or writes to me.
I don't understand, he broke up with me, so why is he still around? Every time he calls, and asks me out, he usually always stands me up or stops calling for the next month or so. My only problem is, #1, he never gives me a chance
to get over him, every time I meet someone new or start to forget about him, there he is... then I get all attached again and bam, the next day he's gone again. I compare everyone to him, I still think about him everyday, and I have it set in my mind that one day he's going to want me back and he will want to spend the rest of his life with me.
But, sadly, I know in the back of my mind that he is never going to change, and no matter how much I love him, he won't ever love me. So, my question to you is, how can I move on? I can't ignore him when he calls. He always apologizes for what he did to me in the past. I can't be mean to him. But, I haven't found anyone in over a year, Im
not interested in anyone else, but I am looking for this "perfect man" when I know I am never going to find him. How can I set my standards lower and quit being so picky and allow myself to forget about the past?
I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, and for crying over him all the time. I just wish he could see or feel even an ounce of the sadness that he has caused me...What am I going to do? I hate it that he has this kind of power over me, like he knows that I will be there for him at the drop of a hat, and he knows that no matter what I will always be here. I don't date because I am afraid that I will miss another chance with him. I am tired of waiting.
Please give me some advice.
