I am so heart broken, my husband of 19 years left me in July, he was having an on line affair with a younger woman in new jersey and that is his home state, where he grew up, he is now living with his sister there, twice he said he was coming home but did not, his sister will not let me or our daughter speak to him, we are heart broken!!
I have filed for a divorce that I don't want but it appears that he is never coming back so I have no choice... How can I survive this?? I am so depressed and feel like life is not worth living any longer ... what can I do?
Hearts break and then they repair themselves. Never say "never" but don't count on your husband coming to his senses. If he really wants to stay with his new found lady-friend, no amount of pleading will change that. Let him be.
Move along with your life. Cultivate your friends and make the most of your talents and interests. Don't be dull. If your
husband tires of his new lady and wants to come back to the comfort and family ties he used to enjoy with you, it will be up to him to make the first move. Then, when the ball is in your court, you can decide whether you will trust him to hang around longer next time, or not.
Meanwhile, take into account the possibility that he may never want to return, so find yourself new friends and wonderful adventures that don't include him.
In the olden days when people used to stay married for life (or so the myth goes) men and women would put up with each other even if they didn't like each other very much, just because it was expected of them - or often as not "for the sake of the children." But that doesn't mean that the world was full of happy marriages. Now, into your life, a situation has come along where your husband really doesn't want to be with you any more and thinks he has found a more pleasing mate in New Jersey. So what? So let it be.
You are not an appendage of your husband. Go ahead with the divorce if you think that's necessary for some financial reason, but don't let all that nonsense dominate your life.
Be yourself, older, wiser and more wonderful than you were 20 years ago before you even knew him. As for your daughter, set her an example of how a woman can be herself and doesn't have to have her life made or ruined by any man.
You're not the only woman in the world whose husband has walked out on her; look around next time you're in a crowded room, bus, subway or sidewalk. Just about one of every three women you see are in your shoes.
They say misery loves company, but that's not true. Misery doesn't love anything, so stop being miserable and take the reins in your own hands.
Good luck,
GG
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