Our grandson just turned two and I guess the 'terrible twos' describes him perfectly. He screams when he wants things. His parents and we try to talk quietly to him and sometimes get him to stop and say 'please' but often he is
embarrassing when we are out in public. At restaurants, if he is tired he will throw his food around after eating what he wants, screams and tries to climb out of the high chair.
Most of all, he bites, (HARD) and pinches. The strange thing is he does not do this to strangers, only those he is closest to. His play with my husband and I starts off with fun and laughter and while he is still laughing he will suddenly bite. We certainly can't bite him back since it would really hurt him if we did it as hard as he does. The same goes for pinching. His mother has tried putting him on a chair for a minute as a punishment, and he doesn't like this but I'm not sure he even knows what he's there for. At other times, he is just as sweet as can be.
He goes to bed easily and knows how to put himself to sleep. He takes two good naps a day but his screaming and dancing, (as in tantrum) along with the biting and pinching is a problem for us and his parents.
Is there anything you can suggest we might try?
P.S. As a mother of four, I seem to remember that around this age, when my children misbehaved really badly, I began to give them a slight pain in the butt with my hand but the new child psychology forbids it so I certainly
would not do anything like that.
WE need help.
Thanks in advance.
All Twos aren't Terrible. It's not the law. Mostly it depends on how many people are trying to keep them as babies when they don't feel like babies any more.
He throws around the food he doesn't want, when he's tired. How about just giving him food he does want, and not taking him to restaurants when he's tired. Go to a take-out place and bring the meal home where you can eat it while he's having one of his wonderful naps.
You say he climbs out of his highchair. Get the hint? Let him sit in a real chair, like you do. If it's too low for him,
that's what phone books are for.
I wouldn't worry if he doesn't say please. He'll get around to that eventually. It's not all that important right now. I don't
think most adults say please every time they ask for something - but even if they do in your family, that child is learning a thousand new things every day and can't be expected to remember it all. Try to make his life as easy for him as possible.
He acts up in restaurants and other public places where it embarasses you. So - let's not take him out on the town until he has taught us that he's not a baby any more and really wants to be treated like other human beings.
Whenever you're going to go somewhere, don't just stuff him into his coat and lead him along; sit down with him and talk about the plan. Ask him what he'd like to wear. Ask him to help you decide where to go first, the grocery store or the restaurant, and talk about what you might buy, and eat.
Let him decide whether he'd rather hold your hand or use a tether to be safe in a crowded place, and don't order food for him, let him say what he would like.
When other people are with you, include the child in the conversation. If you talk "over his head" he'll have to resort
to antisocial activities to get attention, so include him in your group, or leave him home.
As for the episodes when his grandparents are playing with him and making him laugh, which evolves into a biting and screaming fit, well, don't you think you are getting the child worked up needlessly? You could be enjoying his company doing something quieter and less inciteful. He doesn't have to be laughing. Try putting together a "jig saw" puzzle made by cutting an old magazine picture into large pieces. Or you could join him in making different tones by tapping various objects, cups, water glasses, bottles, toys - with a wooden spoon, or a honey dipper.
Make "kazoos" with tissue and combs and play some home grown music..
Think up some simple things to do other than just "making him laugh". It is probably gratifying to you because you think you are bringing joy into his life, but actually you are exciting him. If you were quietly singing some simple song with him I don't think he would bite you.
I'm glad he likes his naps. This suggests to me that he is resourceful and able to think by himself. I expect he is an
intelligent young person who will bring you much pleasure as you watch him develop through all the interesting stages. And he is fortunate to have grandparents who care as much as you folks obviously do, but don't forget that right now he is the same person you will be so proud of in later years.
I hope you can enjoy him right now, today, at the age of two, because that's what he is, not a baby, not a future graduate, just a great present member of the family with a mind of his own.
I don't know all the answers. In fact I really don't know any answers that are guaranteed to work. But I hope some of the above will be of some help; even if it only causes you to come up with some much better solutions for yourselves.
Truly yours,
GG
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