First of all let me congratulate you. It sounds like you have a very fulfilling life.
I do not know what to do here. I have a daughter who has 2 children. One is almost 5 and one is almost one. 2 beautiful boys. I could not love them more if they were mine. My daughter has been in avery abusive relationship with the child's Dad. She wants out and now he is threatening to take the kids away from her. They both love the kids just not each other anymore. They cannot go on like this. They are always fighting. I am torn up and do not want to take sides just do what is best especially for the children. They are at such a tender age.
For what it is worth they are not married.
My older grandson started kindergarten yesterday and is also in daycare. What rights do I have and what can I do so as not to alienate anybody? Is there an answer or a happy outcome? Have avoided going to court. Do not want to put the children through that but things cannot go on this way.
Any advice you give me would be greatly appreciated. I am 44 and would take care of the children for however long it took. That would not bother me at all. The baby is fine and my 4 year old grandchild and I have a very close relationship. I also love my daughter very much and want what is best for her. I do not want to take kids away from their Father he is a good Dad. They just do not get along and should not be living together.
I have been trying to sort this out for months.
New to me.
Don't know where to turn
Yes, I do have a very fulfilling life and one of the major ingredients in my ability to stay calm through family turmoil is
my determination not to interfere.
In the case you describe, you are wise not to go to court because that could end in disaster. Make it very clear to your
daughter that you love her, and of course the children, and also that you are ready and willing to help out no matter what transpires. Having got that clearly understood, then stand back and let your daughter and her partner decide how to solve their own problems.
You're right about not wanting to spoil the children's relationship with their father. As you say he is a good father
and will take care of them if need be. Also I'm sure your daughter will care for them if the separation leaves them with her.
The best solution would be for them to come to an agreement about the children so they could have joint custody and each could see them often. The children would have a primary residence with whichever parent could best manage it and the other parent would have visitation rights and also could have them on weekends, or holidays, or every second week - or whatever seems best for all concerned.
Such an agreement can be made with a lawyer and everyone signs the final agreement which then becomes a sort of contract. Paying a lawyer to draw up a custody agreement is well worth the cost. Otherwise the children's care could be left up to the whim of either of their parents, which might not be in their best interest, especially if everyone is upset and angry, and also if either of them takes on another partner.
In any case, all you can do is suggest that they enter into such a mediation exercise. You can't force them to do that and when it happens you should be somewhere else, not a party to the mediation meeting.
Your daughter and her boyfriend have got themselves into this bad situation and they are the ones who must now get out of it. They both love their children and you have to rely on them to the right thing.
If you stay right out of the battle now you will remain friends with them all forever. If you jump in and try to influence them in any way at all, you could lose them all.
Now is the time to bite your tongue. I've done it, and if I can do it anyone can!
Yours sincerely,
GG
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