I wrote to you several months ago with a problem and your advice was so good and I appreciated it so much. I am in hopes that you can share your wisdom again with me.
I have a 17 year old daughter. She is a senior this year and because she has enough credits, will graduate this December. I guess like all teenagers she feels she needs a car. I cannot afford a car for her and all the expenses that go along with one. She does have a part time job and says she'll pay for gas and insurance and "help" with monthly
car payments. I am trying to save money to help pay for her college education. I think this is a much more important priority than getting a car.
Her older sister is in college and also has a baby. I help her out financially with daycare each month. I think my youngest daughter feels that I owe her a car, look at all the money I've spent and am
spending to help out her older sister.
I know she is frustrated, but her attitude lately is just terrible. I have everything I can do not to yell at her. Do I continue to be "understanding" or should I just turn around and give her some of her attitude right back to her. She has always had a pretty even keeled personality, but she is really pushing the envelope now. She has make little efforts to begin applying to colleges and I believe this is her way of saying "I'll show you".
Thank you.
Going mad.
Don't. And also don't sink to your daughter's attitude. You don't owe her anything. I wonder where she got the notion that everyone deserves to be treated equally and since you pay for one daughter's daycare you must spend equal money on another daughter's car.
I hear this sort of nonsense frequently and all I can say is that life is NOT fair - if you define "fair" as everyone being
given equal money, attention, privileges or anything else. It just doesn't happen that way. Parents have every right to do whatever they can for each of their children according to their needs but it is totally ridiculous to expect them all to be treated the same.
If your daughter is going to pout and refuse to apply for colleges because she hasn't got a car, that's her choice. Don't
sweat it. All it means is that she isn't ready for college yet.
If you could afford to give her a car I'm sure you would do that but such is not the situation so don't buy her a car. She
doesn't sound like a good risk anyway and until she matures she shouldn't be behind the wheel.
If she's pretending that having a car is the most important thing in her life right now she should get a job and buy herself one and then think about college after a year or so. She has a lot of growing up to do before assuming the responsibilities of either a car, or college.
No matter what anybody thinks about how you deal with your other daughter and your grandchild, I know you are doing what you think is best for everyone concerned. Stick to your guns. Do what you think is best. Don't buy anything you can't afford.
Whenever they have needed you, you have been there for them. Right now your younger daughter does not NEED a car.
Buy her a bicycle.
Truly yours,
GG
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