Granny's Advice

My husband and I have been married for almost seven years. My husband is the oldest son; his younger brother is not yet married. The first time my mother-in-law visited us in our home, she started moving around our furniture. She would often call my husband at home and work and warn him not to have children with me, because my mother was so weird and of course then tell him not to tell me she said this. My mom does have problems; it is true, but caused by her addiction to prescription drugs, not genetics. To me (at the time 24yrs old) she would say I'm to young to have children, wait until my late 30's. Now that I'm 30, she tells me I'm too old to have children.

When my husband and I were preparing to move across country (a year after we were married), his mother called him at work and at home every day, for hours at a time. We had carefully planned the move. My mother in-law, however would try to make my husband let my father-in-law plan our route, insisting that my father-in-law must come with us to "protect us." My husband got so fed up with her that he threw the phone across the room (violent actions of any kind are not his style), had us skip stopping by his parents house on the way across country (at the time they were living in the next state over) and then refused to talk to his parents for the next several months. My husband finally wrote a letter to his parents explaining that we was not a child, but a capable adult and that he appreciated their concern, but they must trust him to make his own decisions. When my husband finally relented and went to visit them, my mother-in-law pulled my husband aside and asked him if I put him up to not speaking to them, if I was the one responsible for the letter. I encouraged my husband to write a letter instead of giving his folks the silent treatment forever, encouraged him to tell them how HE felt, so that maybe if they understood where he was coming from they wouldn't do it again- that is all.

About a two years ago, my mother in-law told my husband that they (MIL AND FIL) were buying four cemetery plots (one for my husband, his brother, and each of them). However, they could not afford to buy one for me. As she always does, his mom asked him not to tell me any of this. Well, my husband and I tell each other everything. He of course told them that he will be buried next to me, his wife, and we have never wanted or expected that they should pay anything for us, including burial plots. We have never wanted or needed their help. My husband and I are financially secure responsible adults, yet his mother keeps trying to push money, "advice" and new clothes on my husband. My husband does not like and will not wear the style of clothes his mother picks for him, as a matter of fact he resents her doing this. All through high school she would insist on picking out what he would wear to school that day. She just won't let up until she wins. We both try to ignore these things as much as possible, but sometimes it is just too difficult.

When my husband was younger, his mother would get mad at him if it appeared he was starting to have a beard. She found out that I hate beards and now every time we see her goes on and on about how my husband should grow one. After all of these previous incidents and never saying anything to her, I blew. I told her that I don't like beards and I really don't want him having one. Well, she told me I was the over the line as a wife and any good wife would not make such a demand. I just said "that's too bad."

I know she is lonely for her boys (she has two sons both living far from her). I try to be empathetic and sometimes she really does seem to respond positively to me. Sometimes we really seem to be getting along and I think wow this is great, why can't it be like this more often. Too many times though things are negative. I'm at a loss of what to do. Any suggestions?