I am a single father to my daughter. She is going to turn 3 years old in a few weeks, and it seems that she is starting to throw these temper tantrums.
I am in the military, and I had to go out for 2 weeks at the beginning of this month, leaving her with my babysitter. While talking with the babysitter during my leave, she stated she was having a tough time with my daughter. She said my daughter would scream and cry when she had to take a bath, diaper change, naps, etc.. I figured this was because she as being rebellious since I wasn't there. Upon my return, she has been throwing a lot of tantrums, and crying a lot, and whining. This has been wearing on me because I feel as this is something I am doing (or not doing).
I do not have a car at the moment, so on my days off, except for walks to the store, we stay in my apartment. She is waking up in the middle of the night crying, and when I try to help her, she seems to get angry or moody with me then. I try to lay down on the couch and she comes over and tells me to sit up. She will tell me that she wants to sit there. Things like these have been happening constantly, and I try to be patient and tell her no. She throws crying fits!! I have tried putting her in my room and telling her to stay there until she is finished with her fit, but she still walks out crying and whining.
This happens about 5 times until I have to raise my voice, spank her on the butt and put her back in the room. It makes me very upset when things have to come to this. I broke down crying the other day because it bothers me very much, and I feel helpless. I want her to grow up trusting me and I want her to know how much I love her. I have some issues from my childhood that I reflect on, such as beatings, and divorce, etc.
My daughters mother lives on the other side of the country, and I know she misses her. I just don't know what to do.
I am proud to have such a wonderful girl as a daughter, and I will not give up. I know things will get better. I pray everynight, and every day that I may be filled with the knowledge and patience to be a good dad. Is there any advise you can offer me about this situation? Is all of this normal for her age? I feel like this is because of something I am not doing right.
Thank you so much for your time.
Sincerely,
Loving single father.
Your child is normal for her age but there are a few things you can do to improve the situation. Don't spank her and don't put her alone in a room when she wants attention. Also, try to find a baby-sitter who will let the child choose her own agenda.
Don't try to make her conform to what is most convenient for you regarding eating and sleeping. If she doesn't want to sleep, don't try to make her lie in bed. If she falls asleep somewhere else you can always carry her to bed later. If she doesn't want to eat she won't starve as long as there is food available for her when she does become hungry.
Talk with her a lot. You're already doing that and it's a VERY good thing to do. And when you are talking with her don't
interrupt her. When she starts in on something, no matter how long it takes her to get it said, and even if she has already told you all about that, just sit there and listen attentively and show interest.
She is not an adult, but you should treat her as one in all matters except when she needs to be lifted on your shoulders to see the parade, or carried when she is tired, or needs help dressing or eating, but don't talk baby-talk to her and always share your thoughts with her, and listen to hers.
Don't surprise her with sudden plan changes. Talk things over with her in advance so she knows what's going to happen and if it seems to upset her give her the true explanation of why things have to be as they are.
Since you are her only immediate family, you have a huge responsibility - (as if you didn't know that) - but what I mean
to say is that you are her funnel to the entire world. As soon as possible try to find friends for her so she will have other contacts. No matter how inadequate they might seem to you, when she makes a friend let that person be your friend too. Be especially cordial to all the parents of the children she associates with when she begins pre-school or day-care. They are all going through exactly what you are going through; make them colleagues and show them kindness.
Because you are so concerned about your little girl, I'm sure she will have a wonderful childhood and become a lovely young woman. The big surprise for you is going to be how very quickly all this happens. But don't dwell too much on the woman she is going to be later; the day to day life she is having right this moment is your biggest concern.
Enjoy.
Truly yours,
GG
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