I'm 2 years married and I'm from Germany. My husband is in the Military and we have a son (20 month) old.
I don't come along with my mother in law. I spend 2 weeks with my in laws last christmas and it was a nightmare. My
husband wasn't there because he had to work. We live about 8 hours away from my in laws.
My MIL had those 2 weeks off too. I thought we can have a really nice time to do things and she can spend time with her grandson. But the whole time she was spending about 10 minutes with him every day. The other time she was watching TV, was on the computer or was reading or writing letters. The whole day we wasn't doing anything as
sitting in the house.
She doesn't even made something for lunch! And my boy he is used to the German style to have lunch (it is like dinner). I told her that he needs something, but she just doesn't get it. So I bought for him and myself food.
After christmas eve, we had the leftovers for about 9 days. It was worse!
She knows that I feel homesick to Germany anyway and where my husband and I live it is lonesome for me. But she doesn't want to do anything with us when we was visting.
We had a big argument after those 2 weeks, when my husband came to pick us up.
There was a lot of other things that was going on, she said that's all a cultural diffrence nothing else and I'm just hurt because I don't like it where I live.
After that she cried and my husband and my father in law was on her side. I felt like a idiot. My husband is getting always angry when I try to talk to him about all the things.
The other thing is also that my MIL wished to be called "GG" what means for her "Great Grandmother". I don't know if my son wants to call her that, especially kids have their own mind about things like that. For me is it just a name that she can take to pretend infront of other people for what she isn't.
We didn't saw my in laws since that, but we will soon. So how I should act or be with them?
Thanks alot already
You have done a very good thing to write down all your problems because by writing them down and thinking about them you have already half solved them.
You have said that you are an idiot. Well, I wouldn't think you are an idiot but I do think you have lost your sense of balance.
Life in Germany is not at all the same as life in America. When you married that man and decided to have a child with him you must have known that things would be different and you should also have decided to do whatever is necessary to adjust. If your mother in law didn't have the food your child needed, you did the right thing to get it yourself. If she wants to watch TV, well, it's her home and she deserves to live in it the way she wants to.
As for the leftovers after Christmas, that's an old American custom which happens in every household for as long as the leftovers last. Get used to it.
If you are going to visit her you can't expect her to be entertaining you all the time. You should bring along your
knitting, or a good book, or maybe you could try to enjoy television with her.
If she isn't paying much attention to your child you should be thankful because it could be much worse if she was interfering and telling you how to raise your own baby.
Most of the complaints I get from daughters in law are that their husband's mothers interfere too much and they wish they would leave them alone. Yours is leaving you alone so be thankful.
When you say your husband is "taking her side" that sounds as if you think there's a war going on. For goodness sake try to realize that it is HIS mother and of course he can see her point of view. That doesn't mean he loves you less, it only means that he undertands her, and you don't. One of these days you will come to realize that she is just a nice lady, who has raised the wonderful man you want to spend your life with, and only wants to live her own life. If she wants you to call her GG, so what? Call her what she likes to be called. Be as nice to her as you possibly can be. That's the only way you will ever have a peaceful time.
If you absolutely can't stand the way your husband's family lives, you could go back to Germany for a visit with your own family. Experience has proved that people who do that are always very happy to return to America.
I hope you and your mother in law will be able to get along as two intelligent adult women should. Anything else will be a terrible way to live. Your husband and your child both need you two women to be friends. You can't do anything about her, because it's impossible to change other people, but you CAN improve your own attitude. I hope you have success.
Truly yours,
GG
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