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Granny's Advice By Rosaleen Dickson, BA, MJ
- Dear Great Granny.
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My son is 3 months old, I am not married to his father, but he lives with me. His mom has been pushy, opinionated, meddling in our fights, designing how her son will live with me, scolding him he is 40, and buying her children since an inheritance. I tried to tell her she hurt my feelings on occasion and did not want to bring the baby over, she saw him 8 times. She called me a sick liar, smart a-- and never wanted to see my face. She got down on her knees with a theatric apology in front of her son to me, then we fought and broke up. She called me a schuzophrenic who should have kept her legs closed. She then proceeded to have her friends make nuisance calls, one which mentioned my deceased mother and the welfare of my 3 children. She wants me to think it is all my imagination. She twists the
facts and says I do. My sister experienced her on the telephone and agrees.
Now she wants my son every week for an hour. I have to change my telephone, get my kids into counselling for their witnessing me fight with the baby's father was unhealthy verbal abuse on his part, I want to sell my house around
the block from her, and now have to worry the influence she has on her son (mommas boy) will tear us up again and he will resent me for not being co-operative. He said his mother is nasty, the devil, and a troublemaker, yet he is devoted to her, which I only partly understand as she has gone where I would never go, evil. I don't see her as a loving granny and I don't feel I owe her my precious baby. She ran out to buy a gift and I know she will try to fill my home with her presence in that way. I do not feel opening your wallet up makes this all better.
HELP I truly will never forgive her obsession with this that she did the phone call with my mom. It so hurts that she could not understand me from the beginning and back off a little as we try to bond with our baby and stepfamily and are busy. We are only together for a year. It sounds so terrible to her Granny friends that I do not want her to see the baby, but she has NO Boundaries and proved how EVIL she thinks.
- Dear friend
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I know you have got a lot off your chest by writing this letter and I hope it did you some good to share your troubles with me.
You need someone you can rely upon to talk with every day about your problems with your boyfriend's mother. You should talk it over often with your boyfriend so he will understand exactly how you feel.
I believe that he could help you a lot, just by listening.
Meanwhile, don't cut his mother out of your life. Let her bring gifts. Let her call and talk on the phone, just don't take what she says seriously. Don't laugh at her or argue, just listen quietly with no reaction.
Take charge of your own children but don't resist any help she offers. Pretend she is a normal, sane, kind person. Play the part as though you were on a stage acting in a drama. In your home, always take charge. If she says things that make you angry, don't show anger. Keep up the act as the perfect hostess and the loving mother of her grandson.
If you demonstrate how nice people act with each other she will eventually catch on. Don't ever talk about her to anyone else (except your boyfriend) and don't ever talk about anyone else with HER.
This is not easy. But it's worth trying because your future is at stake.
Good luck,
GG
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