My husband and I have four adult children, three of which are married. I have two son-in-laws and one daughter-in-law. I get along very well with one of the son-in-laws and have an extremely close relationship with my daughter-in-law. She is just like my very only daughter.
My problem is with one of my other son-in-laws. I will be honest with you. He married my youngest daughter while she was in college and that was difficult for me to accept. My daughter and their little baby seem happy; she is a stay at home Mom now and that's great. My son-in-law seems like a good man on the surface. He provides fairly well for the family, loves the baby and my daughter and is also VERY good to them.
The problem then? I don't trust him! He's an undercover and vice cop and has the opportunity to cheat on my daughter anytime he wants. I KNOW he has lied to her and me in the past but I can't proof it. He had a reputation before they married as a ladies man and also was sleeping with another woman while they were dating but before
they became serious. He's several years older than my daughter and much more experienced. We have had several talks about this situation and he has assured me that this marriage and their baby is the most important thing to him. He said nothing would ever jeopardize this marriage.
Working as an undercover cop means he's out all night sometimes working the bar scene. He also works with hookers sometimes. Until he changes jobs, I will never trust or believe anything he saids. He statement is always "she knew I was a cop when she married me."
Question--How will I ever be able to accept him and trust him as my son-in-law? I want to like him but whenever I am
around him, I just become so very angry. I try not to show my feelings but I'm not fooling anyone. HELP!
You will never trust him. Even if he did change his job he would still be the same man who is loved by your daughter and who makes her happy and is good to her and her baby. But no matter what he ever says or does, you will not like him. So, stop trying.
You have a lot of other children and in-laws to love and enjoy, so just count this one out and carry on with the others.
It would be good if you could keep your animosity towards him to yourself because it won't do your daughter any good to be forever reminded that you don't like her husband. So don't even talk about it to anyone.
If one of these days that man makes life miserable for your daughter I hope you won't be standing there saying "I told you so". That would accomplish nothing but estrangement between you and her.
Since you've asked me what you can do about the situation, my advice is just nothing. You might be wrong. Maybe he isn't sleeping around with all those hookers he sees at the bars. The job he has isn't the only one that provides opportunity to meet other women, or even hookers. If he is being promiscuous I don't think it's his job that has made him follow that habit.
Probably he's just a fine, faithful, husband and probably your doubts are illfounded. Talking to him about it hasn't helped because you believe he is lying to you, so don't bother discussing such things with him again.
Find interesting things to do with your own husband and friends and don't dwell on your daughter's marriage, since it displeases you to think about it. Try being friendly with your daughter's husband and enjoy his company whenever you are with them. He must be a fine young man because the daughter you raised has chosen him as a lifelong companion.
Look for the best in him. If it turns out some day that your daughter wants to leave him, well, that's their business.
Meanwhile, he is family so my best advice to you is to treat him as family. Nobody is perfect but you can find some good in anybody. Do it for him - and for your daughter.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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