HELP, BEFORE I SAY SOMETHING THAT I WILL REGRET. MY MOTHER WHO HAS 5 GRANDCHILREN RANGING FROM
AGE 6 YEARS OLD TO 19 YEARS OLD. I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE EVER SEEN A GRANDMOTHER LIKE HER AND IT HURTS THAT SHE IS LIKE THIS. WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS THAT SHE DOES NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF THE GRANDKIDS.
BUT THE ONLY WAY THAT SHE DOES HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM IS TO SHOW HER OWN SELF OFF.
I CAN COUNT ON BOTH MY HANDS AND FEET ON HOW MANY TIMES SHE HAS KEPT THEM OR EVEN SPEND
THE NIGHT WITH HER. BUT WHAT GETS ME MORE THAN ANYTHING IS SHE CAN GO ANYWHERE AND DO ANYTHING SHE WANTS TOO. IT NOT LIKE THAT SHE IS SICK. [EVEN THOU SHE LOVES GOING TO THE DOCTOR ALL THE TIME,
WHAT DO YOU CALL THE PEOPLE WHO GO TO THE DOCTOR ALL THE TIME BUT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM, THATS HER!!!!!!!!!]
I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT TRYING TO FIND A POEM THAT TELLS HOW A GRANDMOTHER SHOULD BE. AND SEND IT TO HER IN THE MAIL. MY 6 YEAR OLD KNOWS THAT HER GRANDMOTHER IS NOT DOING HER RIGHT BECAUSE
SHE SAYS HOW COME GRANDMA NEVER COMES TO SEE US AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
I HOPE YOU CAN HELP ME WITH MY PROBLEM. IF YOU COULD TELL ME SOMETHING TO DO OR SAY TO HER IT WOULD HELP.
THANKS
HURTING DAUGHTER
It is very hard to read your letter because YOU KEPT YOUR SHIFT KEY DOWN. Also it is very hard to see what you're complaining about. Your mother is living her life the way she wants to. If she isn't running around catering to all her grandchildren, that's her choice. Perhaps she had enough of children with her own and prefers to be with adults at this stage in her life.
What makes you so sure she is going to the doctor for no reason? How would you know whether there is something wrong? Have you been interogating her doctor? You have no idea, really, you just want to think the worst about your mother. I have to wonder why.
Perhaps you've been wishing she would help you raise your own children. Perhaps you want her to be like some other
grandmothers you have seen, or read about. I think you should just get on with your own family and stop talking to your child about what you think your mother should be doing.
I hope that when you are older you are able to enjoy your own life in whatever way you please, without your grown children complaining about you. And for now, I hope you can adopt a loving attitude towards your mother, accepting her as she is, helping her enjoy her own life, and encouraging her to be herself without the need to constantly relate to all the rest of the family.
Did it every occur to you that she might be staying out of family affairs to avoid having to take sides in arguments, or to avoid being in situations where she would disagree with what's going on. Rather than having to bite her tongue to avoid getting involved, she might find it easier just to stay away. You might not be bringing up your children as she would. If she doesn't want to interfere, it might be easier for her to minimize contact. I can't be sure of this, but just think of it as a possibility.
Love her, taking it for granted that she loves you and leave it at that. Stop thinking of what she might be doing for you and start thinking about what you can do for her. Whether she is sick, or thinks she is sick, either way she needs the
understanding of her family. When you were a child and needed her she was there doing what was necessary. Now you can reciprocate. Do whatever is necessary - even if it's just refraining from complaining about her.
I think you can adjust to letting her enjoy life as she wants to. Try, anyway.
Truly yours,
GG
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