I'm a happily married father of bright 5 1/2 year old girl and am at a loss on how to discipline her. Most of the time she listens to me and does what I ask, yet there are times she refuses to. For example, I tell her it's time for her bath (she loves taking baths) and she responds with "NO, I don`t want to ". What should I do?
When she was littler time-outs wouldn't work, she would run back to where she was playing. I tried to hold her in the chair and she would fight it. I spanked her once and I just can't do it.
Lately I have been taking the t.v. away for a day and that worked for the past month or so. I need some direction to go in .Help.
From, at a loss.
I can't solve your problem and what I write may not even help you, but there are a few things you might benefit from thinking about.
I wonder what would happen if you were to stop looking for ways to punish your child and also stop trying to dominate her life. She is only 5 years old but she already has a mind, and a will, and would love to practice using them both as she learns to be in charge of herself.
If she really doesn't want a bath at the time that is convenient for you to do it for her, just skip it. Going to bed without a
bath won't ruin her life. When she says No, let it be No bath. You say she likes baths so eventually she'll say Yes. Or maybe she'll go in and manage her own bath. Just hang around real close in case of calamity.
Holding her in a chair when she'd rather play, or removing her television are methods of showing her that you are bigger and stronger than she is. But then she knows that already so what does it teach her? That might makes right - a good lesson I'm sure. But you would have smoother sailing if you would let her choose what she wants to eat, when she wants to go to bed, what she wants to wear. So what if it's unconventional and disrupts your own schedule!
Raising a child is disruptive if nothing else. If you didn't realize that at the moment you conceived this little girl, well,
you should know it by now. And the disruption will last a lifetime. Your life will never be the same as it was before that
moment because now it includes that other person; not as an extension of yourself but as an individual who MUST be allowed to think for herself. And the sooner the better.
Instead of wondering how to punish her, try thinking of ways to remove restraints on her growing need to be herself.
Give her more and more power over her own life. Let her know that she's a valid member of the family, not just a pet. Every moment of her life is a learning experience but you don't always have to be the teacher. Finding out for herself, the results of making her own decisions plays a big part in this constant education. Also please remember that every moment of her life may also be her last. Treat her that way.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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