I have a 31 year old son who is college educated and never been married. I, also, have 2 daughters who are married and have children.
The kids' father and I divorced when they were very young and, for the most part, I raised them on my own. I remarried twice, but only for a short time because of relationship conflicts for the kids and I.
In 1993 I remarried to a wonderful man who has been very good to my kids. He knew at that point in my children's lives that he would only be a friend, never a step-father.
My son seemed to like my husband for the first six years, attending family functions and doing things with us. About a year ago, my son said he did not want to have anything to do with my husband again.
My son will only see me if we meet at a common place without my husband. He said he is jealous of my husband and that he should be number one in my life. I have tried to explain to him that he is number one in my life as far as a
mother-son relationship, but that my husband and I have a marriage relationship, quite different than my relationship with him.
This has caused a lot of stress and friction in my life, not with my husband and I, but with my son and I. My husband is very hurt by this because he wanted to have a relationship with my son and doesn't understand why my son shuns him.
One of my daughters has some of the same feelings as my son, only nowhere as strong. She feels that if I had stayed single I would have been able to be more involved in her life. As it is, I visit her family at least once a week.
My third daughter is very open and kind to my husband and takes every opportunity to make him feel part of the family. She is very open to making sure her kids interact with my husband and her and her husband making every
attempt to make him feel part of the family.
By the way, my extended family (sister, mother, nieces, nephews, etc) care a lot about my husband and are very happy that I finally found someone that makes me very happy and treats me well.
I don't know what to do to turn around my son's and daughter's mind set. I am very sad that they can't be happy for me now that I am finally happy.
Have you had this question posed to you before and what kind of advice can you give me?
Thank you.
I can't imagine what happened last year, between your son and your husband, but since you don't know what happened either, maybe we should just forget it. They will either reconcile their differences or not, but that's up to them, two grown men. Don't give it another thought.
Some day you might find out but probably you'd rather not know so leave it alone and carry on as usual. Include your son in invitations to family affairs, see him from time to time as occasion allows, but don't expect him to be specially friendly with your husband.
You love both these people and you will have time for each, but there's no reason why you should be with them both at the same time. You will be happier about the situation if you never mention it again. Don't dwell on it, in fact, forget it. Time might cure the rift and things could be quite different in a few years.. But even if they are not, you have lost nothing.
You have raised a loving and wonderful son of whom you can be justly proud, and you have a husband who has finally made your life happy after many tragedies. That's more than many have so rejoice with them, each in their own way.
If you never mention the rift again, it might not disappear but it will certainly become less obvious, and thus less distressing.
Yours sincerely,
GG
Return to Granny's Query index
