Your unhappiness stems from the fact that you think you have to make a decision that is going to cut you off from some of the people you love. Your frustration is because your situation is not understood generally in your community. You feel alone and isolated with your problem, while actually, you are not alone, and your orientation is nothing to be ashamed of. Knowing yourself is a huge step in solving any problem and you have come to know yourself. That's good.
We, as a society, have gone through periods when it was considered wrong, deviant, sinful and even criminal to be
sexually oriented other than one way. The one way has been ordained by churches, preached in pulpits, even written into law, but it is not the only way.
More and more, as we become enlightened, it is apparent that there are all shades of sexuality. In most of the movies, until very recently, men loved women, women loved men, and that's that. But everybody knows there are many kinds of love and you have experienced some of them. You love your husband, you love your children, and you love a young woman.
Your husband understands this and it seems not to have turned him away from you. If you can live this way, with the best of all your worlds, it would seem foolish to change things. But if your affection for the woman becomes impossible for your husband to abide and threatens your marriage, then you do have a choice.
Not being in your shoes, there is no way that I could advise, but looking at the situation frou outside I feel that staying
with the family, even at the sacrifice of your new relationship, would be the wiser.
Making sacrifices for people you value is not unusual. You could weigh the possibilities of going away with the woman and forsaking the family and in the end I think you'd be miserable. Then weigh the possibility of abandoning your love for the woman and staying with your husband. That, too, might seem miserable. If you leave your husband you will in effect be leaving the children too, so weigh that in to the second scenario.
Now I've painted two miserable situations. You have to choose one, so choose the one which would be the least miserable of the two. Also, while you are deciding, figure out how many people will be affected in each case.
Imagine yourself living alone with the woman you love. Think through all the arrangements, the visits with your children, the social life, your friends and family, and hers. Think through the whole situation in detail, housing, working, holidays, social life, retirement - life goes on a long time - so think it all through and then compare it with the course you were on before you found your new interest in women.
I'm not asking you to pretend you are not whom you are, or to close down that part of you which has taken an interest in other women, but since your husband has not objected to your feelings, it seems to me that you might just have it both ways.
Probably your husband will have other friends, good friends, maybe even lovers, and you will need to be as open-minded about that as you expect him to be about yours. Open marriages are nothing new; they exist where you'd least expect them.
Yours can be good, if you both are able to pull it off. You can provide the home your children deserve and still be your own true selves.
Now I know I've said nothing here, but I have opened up the possibilities to you. Nobody but yourself will make the final decision. What you must realize is that when you make it, it may well be FINAL. So don't let your new found lover be the one to decide. This decision is for you and your husband to make, together.
If I've been helpful, let me know.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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