My mother inlaw does not like my son because he is not her natural grandson. My husband has 5 children, the
youngest belonging to me. We were married 2 years before we had our daughter. My son who is 10 years old also lives with us.
Now what hurts the most is the differences my mother in law makes in the children. When she has sleep overs for her grandchildren she calls everyone of them and invites them over except my son. At Christmas they all get gifts except my son. She watched all of them after school except my son. I asked her once if my son could start coming over after
school and she charged me per week. Not that I would have minded paying her but she wasn't charging me for baby girl.
When ever he does go over to her house I have to send food from our house for him. The rest of his family takes his 12 year old daughter out shopping, to eat, to the movies and fun stuff like that, but never is my son included. I don't
worry too much about my daughter because she is too young to notice right now. I guarantee you that before she is old enough the situation will be rectified or I will remove us all from the situation.
I feel like if my children at the very least can't be treated equally by her then I will prohibit her from making a difference between them. After all the are both my children and they are also brother and sister. Am I wrong for feeling this way. She makes such a difference between them that he notices it. He always tells me that she doesn't like him. I try to
reassure him but it is hard because she doesn't hide it. All my husband has to say about it is "Well he's not her grandson".
By the way, my son doesn't have a father. When I told my boyfriend at the time that I was pregnant he split and has never seen his son. It has been 10 years now. My main goal is to make sure that both my children know that I love them and will always be there for them.
Not an easy situation but it absolutely requires solidarity between you and your husband. Make him understand that for the children's sake they must all be considered as one group, not as bits and pieces of other failed relationships. If your mother in law can't understand this, keep the whole family away from her until she gets the point.
Asking you to pay her for letting your son visit her is ridiculous. Are you sure that's the way it really is, or is that
just your interpretation? If it is real, then put an end to it at once. And why would you have to bring food for him but not
for the others? Next time you go, take a hamper full of food for them all, or take none.
Best thing now would be not to go over there at all until your mother in law has shown some indication that she accepts the group as a family.
Look into the possibility that there are other reasons why she doesn't like your son. If you can find something about him that bothers her, perhaps you could help him improve, or explain to her why he is the way he is. He's only a child and should be loved unconditionally because that's the only way he will flourish and become the fine young man he will be.
You need the support and understanding of your husband to get your son integrated into his family. If all he can say is "he's not her grandson" - well, your husband has a long way to go. Explain to your husband that your son is a part of his family now and needs to be made to feel it.
If your husband can't accept your son as one of his own, you'll never have the great family you are trying to build. I'm sure you have accepted all his children as your own, so he should reciprocate. I would suggest that you persuade him to officially adopt your son. It's not all that difficult and would integrate the whole family.
As for your mother in law - leave her to her own petty games of favouritism. Keep all the children away from her until she wakes up to the fact that you are all one family.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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