Granny - I'm losing it! We live outside of town in the country. It's about 25-30 miles from my daughter and her adorable little boys. I just felt too isolated living in the mountains on 2 acres and they did not come to visit very often. We have decided to move back to town. We rushed into buying another house without really thinking and planning where we would live ("Just move back to town" seemed good enough - mistake). We ended up buying a house that is 10 miles from my daughter (16 miles if you take the highway (I measured it), anyway not anymore than a 30 minute
drive at the most. I realized after we paid the $10,000 earnest money down I still didn't feel comfortable with the
distance between us.
I'm sick. It's a done deal. I'm not even excited about moving in. I'm depressed and sick and realize I have made a mistake. I've finally told my husband, and he says we will have to live there 2-3 years at least. We simply can't afford to move anymore. I'm an idiot.
My daughter's Dad and Stepmom live really close to them and so they get to babysit because it's convenient. I
have put myself out of the loop again. I feel so left out. How can I have some peace of mind about this? I just
couldn't let the $10,000 earnest money go. Looking back it would have been worth it, to avoid this pain. To further
complicate matters my husband's daughter lives about 5 miles from the new house and will probably be dropping her son off (who is unbearable to be with). It's going to be horrible. I'm just sick.
My daughter says she will come visit, I hope.
I'm nuts over this. How far away do your grandchildren live?. I know I'm over-reacting to this, but my gut tells me how I feel. I try to keep busy, but at 2:00 in the morning it creeps in my mind and I'm just sick.
I need to have some peace in my life. How do I get over this??
You bought the house without thinking, you say, just to be 15 miles closer to your daughter. I suppose you had moved out of town to get away from it all, and that didn't turn out so great either. I hope the next time you people decide to move you'll think first, and move later. Or better still, make your current home a great one and stay there!
Even if you moved right next door to your daughter you would still be bothered because you have to keep comparing other people's visits with your own. You will count the hours that your daughter spends with her father and his wife. You will count the hours that your husband's daughter spends in your home. You will then tally it all up and compare it with the hours that you are able to spend with your grandsons. In the end you'll be so consumed with these comparisons that the time you do spend with the children will be wasted, looking at your watch.
Forget who else is visiting whom and put your mind on what you are doing with the little boys when you are with them. Make sure, every time you leave, that they are happy that you came and will be glad to see you again. This doesn't mean taking presents. That's the worst thing you could do. It means listening to everything they have to say, telling them stories, playing their games, sharing jokes, laughing with them.
Also make sure that their parents are glad you came and will welcome you back soon. Don't overstay your welcome. Don't hang around for meals. For goodness sake don't tell the boys how to behave or discuss them with their parents. Just visit and enjoy.
As a grandmother, you are not responsible for their behaviour, their health, their education, or anything else. That's all in the hands of their parents, so don't interfere.
You ask me how far away from my grandchildren I live, well some are 50 miles away, some are 800 miles away, several are in university in distant cities, but I'm in touch with them all by email constantly. We share jokes and family affairs over the Internet.. I see the littlest ones and the great grandchildren very seldom but by being in touch with their parents, we never seem to be far from eachother. Everyone in my family is so busy, including myself, that we don't have time for extended visits, but when we do all get together, about four times a year, everyone has a lot to report and the whole gang in all generations are equal.
All my grandchildren have other grandparents whom they visit whenever it's convenient, some often, some seldom. I could not care less how often this happens. I live my own life and they live theirs. There is mutual respect all around and nobody would think of comparing.
My advice to you is to enjoy your new home. Make it as homey and comfortable as you can; a real haven of happiness for you and your husband. Invite your neighbours to visit you and have good times there. Become involved in your new community, volunteer somewhere, join the church, the choir, a local garden club. Extend yourselves among people your own age and visit the grandchildren once in a while for a change, but don't make them your entire focus. There's a lot more to life. And rejoice in your great good fortune in having a husband with you to enjoy this exciting new part of your life.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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