My husband is 58 years old, and has moved out into our motor home to find himself!!
He isn't sure what he wants to do with "the rest of his life" or even if it includes me!
He wants to travel south to find the sunshine, and I have 8 years until retirement, so I guess he's going to go by himself. (I wasn't invited anyway.) He calls us separated, and we are seeing a counselor, but meanwhile I feel like I'm in limbo. I'm not really married, and I'm not single. Just waiting to see what he decides. I love him, and our marriage is worth saving....at least in my eyes.
Know anything about the male "midlife crisis?"
Thanks
You've answered your own question. Writing it all down created its own solution. Your marriage is worth saving.
Your description of your husband's "crisis" will entertain and hearten many people who read your letter and I'll bet most of them will be forming strong notions of what you should be doing.
But I have no strong feelings one way or the other. You love the man so you'll stick around until he has "found himself" even if it's on a sunny beach surrounded by string bikini babes while you are finishing your term of office at home.
There's always a danger that your love could turn to disinterest, especially of someone else comes along into your
own life, while your husband is still on the search for his own reality.
Having moved out of the house, he has made a clear statement that he thinks he doesn't want you in his life any more. He considers himself to be separated. Perhaps he is just separated from his senses and might find them one of these days, but why would you want to wait for that?
Since you're seeking counsel, that means that you are being encouraged to speak your minds in each other's presence. Next time you are there you could ask him point blank if he wants a divorce. Waiting around for him to figure out what he wants could become a way of life. Better settle it once and for all.
But then, of course, there is no such thing as once and for all because nothing is permanent. He might think today he wants to roam the world unfettered and probably dreams of climbing Mount Everest but after a few years, or maybe even months, of the gypsy life he might come home and "find himself" right in your bed where it all started.
If he says yes, he'd like a divorce, you can go through with it now or save thousands of dollars by just putting it off for a while, leaving him a window of opportunity to change his mind.
You love him as he is. Will you love him when he is a thousand miles away sunning himself in Florida while you are going to work through all kinds of weather?
Talk this over with yourself. Don't go to friends for advice; it's not their life. It's yours. If your amusing husband is
going through something called midlife crisis, maybe he'll get through it before anyone gets hurt. I only have one sneaky idea to suggest: How about taking time off and popping into the camper with him. Take a wildly unorthodox holiday with him. Tell him you're also looking for yourself and need his help.
OK - maybe that's not possible - but I still think it's a great alternative to letting him go off by himself.
Yours truly,
GG
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