My boyfriend is the best! We only see each other on the weekends. Now when he stays it is starting to go on to longer weekends. I like to skip one now and then but he never wants to.
I'm 43 , been divorced for 6 yrs. and have a 16 yr. old boy. Boyfriend has never been married and no kids, never wanted any. He's 32 and said it was the first time he has been in love. When I'm not with him he calls me and writes me a long letter during the week to leave here for me to read when he's gone. He does everything for me, in fact too much!
It's been 15 months since we've been seeing each other. He doesn't have a licence, but just bought a car and is working on it.
I'm scared I'm going to break his heart someday because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I'm not ready for that and he knows it.
My question is, how do you let someone you care alot about down easy , I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to be together forever? I like my freedom, which he gives me but is always worrying about me.
Last year on vacation I brought him back a seashell shaped like a heart and he carries it with him always, when I'm not with him during the week he sleeps with it in his hand! I don't know what to do. Should I keep on going or what? When we're together we are like a couple that just got married.
Thank you for your help.....I need it!!
Yes you sure do need help, but it's going to come from yourself. Nobody else can advise you in this instance. You have to decide right now whether those feelings of "a couple that just got married" are real for you, or are you just pretending for the sake of your boyfriend. When you gave him that heart-shaped shell, was it an act of affection? Did you know he would hold it in his hand when you weren't with him?
Are the weekends with him going to be missed after you tell him that you never intend to comit to him and him alone? Can you actually tell him that, knowing it is not likely that in this lifetime you might ever meet another person who loves you as much as he does?
Here's an idea. Stand in front of your mirror and watch your own facial expression as you say the words: "I'm sorry my dear, but I think we should stop seeing eachother. This affair has been great but I don't want the relationship to become permanent."
Try to say it out loud and see how it sounds. Is it truly what you want?
Do you think there may be reasons, other than what you feel is a growing disaffection, that are pulling you away from him? Is there any resentment from your son? Have you heard friends remarking about the difference in your ages? Does that bother you? Do those eleven years matter enough to shut down what might be a great adventure? Are you interested in some other person who might come into your life if you can become disengaged from your current boyfriend?
I'm not suggesting that any of these factors are playing a part in your decision, but you should seek out all the possibilities. Before you close the door on this lovely affair you are having, be sure it is for the right reasons.
Then, if you're absolutely sure that this is not the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, tell him immediately. It's not fair to him to string him along, reaping the benefits of all his love and attention but knowing that you will never marry him.
Whatever part of you loves this man, or even likes him, should take charge now and move you to come clean with him. Even if it means an argument and some hard feelings, better do it now than later. If you get out of his life he can move along and will have benefitted from his association with you, even though that won't be in his mind at once.
Call it a marvellous experience that has enriched both your lives, call it an adventure you would never want to have
missed, call it a story-book love affair, call it anything you want, but call it quits.
Or, marry the man and live happily ever after.
Yours truly.
GG
Return to Granny's Query index
