My son's soon-to-be-wife makes all of the decisions. What she does in their home is their business but she tends to think she can make all the decisions in my home when she is visiting and assumes how things are without asking any questions.
Her three children happen to be 5 year old triplets and are a handful and it is a little much for me to deal with.
I have MS and am not too sure of myself or what to do. I want to be able to spend some time with my son's 7 year old daughter, by a previous marriage, but his wife-to-be thinks what I do should include all of her children too.
I have told her I just don't have the energy to do it all. I guess what I am afraid of is that she will stop me from spending time with my granddaughter.
Since your son has decided to combine his family, which now consists of one 7 year old daughter, with the family of his intended wife, which includes three 5 year old daughters, you will either accept them all or just forget them for a while.
Since you are incapacitated and find that having the four little girls around is too much of a burden, I suppose you will need to find something else to fill your life for the time being. When your granddaughter is older and can get around by herself, she will most likely come to you from time to time. Children don't forget those they love.
In the meantime, since you don't like to have that young woman whom your son intends to marry around you or in your house, I guess that's the way you will have it. Don't invite them in if they upset you. Don't be rude to them, but just don't arrange any occasions that bring them into your home.
This means you will see less of your son, but he's not going to leave the planet. He will keep in touch, and you can too. There is always the telephone, and of course there is always email. You and your granddaughter can be in touch on the Internet so you'll never need to wonder how she is.
Probably this new woman who is marrying into your family will settle down eventually. If you watch her from a distance you might even discover that she's a good influence, makes your son a happy home, and will come around to accepting you without the need to change your whole life.
Make an effort to welcome her into your clan. Show appreciation for what she has to offer. Never criticize her children, and NEVER compare them with your son's older child. Try to enjoy the new situation and if you try hard enough I think you will find it gets easier with time.
There may come a time when you will be thankful that you made the effort to welcome your son's new wife.
Truly yours,
GG
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