Nothing is "normal" when it comes to grandparents; read some of the other letters in this collection and you'll get an idea of what I mean. And raising children is never the same from one generation to the next, never. It is not even the same from one child to the next in the same family, believe me. Values don't change, but the world does, and how we interpret our values adapts.
When you have a grandson whom you love, you will not consider yourself to be besotted, but right now, because you are so jealous of your parents' affection for your son, you consider their behaviour to be somehow abnormal. I assure it, falling overboard for one's grandchildren is very normal among many people. In my own case, I relate more closely with my own children whom I know so intimitely, than with theirs, who have been raised outside my own home, but then each case is different, isn't it.
In the case of your parents, they may have found a depth of relationship with that little baby that they were not prepared to develop with their own children. Or, perhaps, they have felt special compassion for him because his own parents are not together. Or, perhaps that little boy fills an empty spot in their lives, since their own children have grown beyond their control.
There are dozens of possible reasons why they idolize that child, but the reason doesn't matter. Since your son is going to grow up with so much attention from his grandparents, he could be facing problems all his life, but that's for him to work through, when he gets old enough to run his own life.
Meanwhile, since you're obviously an adult and have been ordering your own life for a while now, there is no reason for you to concern yourself with the relationships between other members of your family. Think of how miserable you would be if your parents had decided to reject your child and have nothing to do with him.
It's usual for each of the parties in a separation to want all their friends to take their own side, against the adversary. And I'm sure you expected your parents to "side" with you against your baby's mother, but if they are going to maintain a decent relationship with their grandson, it has seemed logical to them to include his mother.
Don't fight it. Try to see the logic there. And try to understand how it will work for the best advantage of your son.
If there was a constant feeling of alienation between your parents and the mother of their grandson, everyone would lose. As it is, you feel that you are the only loser, but it doesn't have to be that way.
They haven't stopped loving you; it just seems that way. There aren't many ways to show affection to a grown son, while there are a thousand ways to show it towards a three-year-old. I wonder if you have gone out of your way to show love and affection towards your parents recently; or are you so engulfed in jealousy that you've forgotten that it's a two way street?
Get out of your gloomy mood. Start to rejoice in the great rapport between your parents, your son, AND his mother. Don't just sit there and glower. Get busy on other matters and schedule your time to include something special for your parents from time to time. I'm afraid you are acting like a child in this matter. Be an adult and take things into your own hands.
Whatever made you leave your baby's mother is of no concern to your parents. It's a private matter which doesn't have to cut her off from all happiness in the family forever. And you have to accept the fact that this IS her family, as well as yours. That was determined when you and she produced another member for this family. Everyone is in this together. Try to be happy for them.
Writing down your feelings on this matter was an excellent idea. Getting it all sorted out in your mind is half way to a
solution. Now all you have to do is make a plan. In no uncertain terms provide ample proof to your parents that you still love and respect them, and enjoy their company, as an individual, not only as the father of their beloved grandson. Show them the values by which they raised you.
Take charge....And get on with your life.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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