I have yet to see anything written relating to my set of circumstances. Maybe you can help me.
The other set of grandparents have guardianship of my two grandsons. They are both under 3 years of age. The problem is visitation. The grandparents live 4 hours from us and do not wish to meet us halfway so that we can
have visitation. We have been in relationship with the babies since birth and the social worker tells me that we will some day have a "mediation court" agreement , but it seems as though the other grandparents are too busy and refuse to travel and the case worker does not like to confront.
I know the babies miss us as much as we miss them, (we were the caretakers until they went to the maternal
grandparents). We have been doing all the travel ourselves, with added expense of hotels and restaurants and it is becoming expensive. I am told that meeting halfway is common practice, but cannot get a move on the "mediation" from this caseworker.
Where else can I go for help short of hiring a private attorney. We had a verbal agreement with the other grandparents that we could visit any time, and now they are finding that they have much family that will babysit for them any time they want so we are not needed anymore.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank You.
Because you are adults, and the other grandparents are adults, and presumably the parents of those babies are adults, all of whom can look after themselves, I am more concerned with the two little boys who have no control over what happens to them in this situation.
You say they miss you. Well, perhaps they do. I suppose they also miss their parents. And they may miss anyone else who has been kind to them during their short lives. But what they need more than anything else in the troubled world that has been surrounding them is peace, love, and one place where they can feel at home and safe.
Apparently, for reasons they consider best, the courts have decided that the best home for those babies at this time is with their maternal grandparents. If they are not being cared for properly there, you would be justified in making an official complaint. But if the children are getting the care they need, you should be thankful. Taking on two babies at this stage in their lives is quite an undertaking. Maybe you would have done it as well, but the fact is that the mother's parents are doing it, so try to accept this as a fact to live with.
You mention that you are not needed to babysit the children. I'm not sure how this is pertinent to your wish to see them more often. You can still visit them from time to time without needing to take charge, or "babysit".
If the cost of going to where they live means you can't do it as often as you'd like to, just go less often. I wouldn't dream of your "meeting half way" proposition. It places too much of a burden on the babies being uprooted and carted around and winding up in nobody's home at all. Later on, when they are much older, you can suggest having them in your home for a visit once in a while, but for now you should leave well enough alone.
Think of their welfare only, and forget your own feelings of loss because you can't be with them often enough. And forget any feelings of jealousy you might have when you think of those other grandparents having the babies with them all the time.
If there are laws wherever you live about grandparents' visitation, and since everyone agrees you can see the children whenever you please, then just plan your trips to suit your own capabilities.
Meanwhile, try to find some other activities in your own community, volunteer work for instance, that will fill your time
so you won't be pining for those babies all the time. When they needed you before, you rose to their need and looked after them. That was a wonderful sacrifice, and much more than most grandparents are willing to do for their grandchildren.
Now you are being asked to make another sacrifice for those children. And this time it is to let them grow up in relative
tranquility, with people who love them, and with no disturbing factors in their lives. When you do visit them, make sure the visits are quiet and pleasant and that no harsh words are ever heard by those babies. They will always love you unless you set yourselves against the people who are now caring for them.
You will always have those grandsons, and years from now you will be glad to know you didn't disturb them when they were babies. You will be proud of them and they will be proud of you.
I hope you're able to live with the situation the way it is. And I hope the mediation that you anticipate won't make any decision in favour of shunting the children around too much. They need as much order in their lives as possible. Love them and think of them foremost.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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