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Granny's Advice By Rosaleen Dickson, BA, MJ
- Dear Great Granny.
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My Grandson was 23 and his girlfriend was 18 when she became pregnant. They talked about marriage but so far, nothing. He supports the baby and spends every moment he can with her.
My problem is the difficulty I have accepting this child when the parents are not married and the girlfriend did not give
the baby my Grandson's name. Her family treated the whole affair as if it were the greatest blessing ever, with parties, showers and Church blessings since her Dad is a Christian Family Counselor. Also, her Dad bought
thousands of dollars worth of baby furniture plus other items to make his daughter comfortable ... and then claimed bankruptcy.
My Grandson's Mother loves the baby very much and is slowly accepting the situation. I cannot.
My Grandson and this girl knew each other only 4 months. She was his first experience, believe it or not. He was not hers.
Any advice or shared experience you can offer would be appreciated. I do not see the child but once a year but gifts are expected for every occasion.
- Dear friend
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It's too bad you only see your great grandchild once a year, but that's better than never. As to "expecting" gifts, that's sad. Gifts shouldn't be given because they are expected, but out of love.
You say you can't accept the situation. Give it a little time and you will. I'm sure you love your grandson, so you will also love his child. This has nothing to do with furniture, church blessings, bankruptcies, names, or anything else except that there is a new member in your family. How wonderful. Even if the baby's parents never marry or live together, that baby is YOUR progeny.
I hope you can soon get over whatever strange, out-of-date constraint that is preventing you from rejoicing, and let the
child's advent warm your heart. That's what great grandchildren do. There is nothing we need to do about them, just enjoy. If you deprive the child of your love, it is your loss, not the child's. Nothing the young parents have done, or not done, should change a loving relationship between you and their baby, who is also your baby, genetically speaking.. Yours truly,
GG
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