My son married a girl with 3 children close in age. They are now 11, 9 and 7. They have since had one child who is now 3. I love all the children, although I am not sure of my place with the older ones who already have grandparents. I am finding it difficult not to show favoritism with the 3 year old since she is my son's only daughter. I worry about her because the other 3 are all on strong meds for learning problems and social problems such as ritalin, prozac, and others for supposed bipolar disorder. The older one makes good grades but today she told me he is being treated for social anxiety and depression. I see a real need for parenting classes but would never bring up such a thing and risk losing my grand daughter by interfering.
I feel they should seek help and find the cause of the problems and not resort to drugs to just change their behavior. Is there anything I can do to make sure the little one doesn't have to take these meds? I am seldom allowed to spend one on one time with them and especially her so I don't want to do anything to cause any problems.
Thanks.
You cannot interfere with your son's family but things may not be as ominous as they appear.
In the first place, you have raised your son and you know he has certain values which, presumably, do not include feeding drugs to children unnecessarily.
In the second place it is not likely that the youngest child will have the same disorders that have made her mother medicate the older children. Those problems may have been partly a result of a broken or unhappy home, prior to the mother having married your son. The baby, on the other hand, will grow up in a more balanced and normal home and won't show the same symptoms as his older half siblings.
In the third place, if that mother does decide at any time to medicate your son's daughter you could simply ask your son to check into it with their family doctor to be sure there isn't a better way to solve whatever problem she may seem to have.
I strongly suspect that this won't be necessary, but to prepare for such a possibility, you could ask your son, some time when you are alone with him, to guard against the administration of medications to the youngest child. You might also suggest to him that he look into what medications the older ones are taking because every year new ways of combatting children's problems are being discovered. Right now there may be better methods than the taking of drugs and your son's family might benefit from knowing about them.
Sometimes a medicine will only treat, or hide, the symptoms, while the disorder goes untreated. A change in diet can
sometimes solve a problem if maintained for a long enough period.
As you say, you can't interfere and you can't take over, but there is no law against discussing what's new in the field, with your son, making sure that there is no suggestion of criticism in the discussion.
I'm sure that he will know it would be a mistake to treat the youngest in the same way as the others, and also it's likely
that he will try to change things for the older children as well. If he's able to provide them with a stable environment,
they might settle down and grow out of their supposed need for drugs.
In the end though, it is up to him to make the decision.
Truly yours,
GG
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