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Granny's Advice By Rosaleen Dickson, BA, MJ
- Dear Great Granny.
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I have been married for almost 2 years to my husband, but we dated for over 6 years before that. Since about 3 to 4 years ago, he went to college out of town and came back a totally different person. But this is not the problem.
The problem is that every April, since that time, we always have problems. He will start a fight and we seem to grow apart. Last year, before we made our first year of marriage, we had a fight and he told me to leave. Even though it was just for one weekend, I felt horrible because the only place that I could go was back to my parents home. My parents are wonderful people, but they sometimes don't think that I can handle any problems with my life and this didn't help.
I have tried talking to my husband about these problems but everytime we talk, he turns my words around and makes it sound like I am blaming him for everything. I know that I'm not perfect at all and that I have many faults that I am trying to make better, but I have other siblings that I grew up with and he is an only child.
What can I do to help things get better for us? This April was really bad and we have not been a "couple" in quite a few weeks now. I am willing to do anything that you think would help for us to be able to talk and communicate or to help bring us closer.
- Dear friend
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I think you have me confused with someone else. In the Ask Great Granny feature, I try to help people with intergenerational problems. You and your husband are both in the same generation so it's the wrong category. However, just to be helpful if I can be, I would suggest that you find out what it is about April that makes your husband restless. If there is another person, perhaps someone he met at university, who occupies his mind in April, you should discuss it. If he is trying to create an incident so you will leave him, then perhaps your best move would be to do so.
There is a long, long life out there ahead of you and if you spend most of it wondering where you stand with your husband, that would be a waste. If he won't tell you the cause of his April moods, then don't wait to find out.
Later could be too late. Take charge of your own life. If it's nothing, let him tell you that and resume your happy marriage. If he won't talk, you don't have a marriage.
Good luck,
GG
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