I am writing in regards to my Mother in Law. I used to be the only daughter in law that she liked. I used to pluck her "goat hairs" and spend time laughing with her. Things began changing when my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer in 1997. During that period of time, my husband underwent major surgery and they removed his left lung. The surgical oncologist had planned on removing part of his left lung until during the surgery they discovered there was a little more cancer than they had expected. So the oncologist discussed with me that he was going to remove his entire left lung and nip it in the bud.
After the surgery was completed, I was able to see my dear husband, and I told him that he did great, and they removed his entire left lung. My mother in law told me off in front of my husband's best friend because she felt I
shouldn't have told my husband so soon. His best friend came to my defense and said: "I think she is doing a great job handling this." No one said a word, and I quietly walked away.
My mother in law also became nasty with me and said that: "even your father told me he wants to punch you in the
face sometimes." This hurt because I had recently been reunited with my father for only 4 years, and sure I was still trying to mend our fences. I questioned my dad about this and he started crying telling me he never said any such thing.
Looking past all of this, even if my dad did say this, I was truly hurt that my mother in law used this to hurt me. Since
then, my mother in law tells my husband that she thinks my dad is selfish, a liar, and she will never trust him again. Luckily, since then, my dad and I are very close and we love eachother very much.
It is very hard to be around my mother in law now, as she talks about her other daughter in laws in front of me...
like how she thinks one was acting rude because they had a yeast infection. (My mother in law saw her dirty underwear hanging out to dry.)
She also talks about her sister's daughter in law and how: "even my mother said right before she passed away that she will never forgive her."
When I gave birth to my first child, she came over to my house and said as I was holding her granddaughter: "It's a shame it didn't work out betweeen my son and his ex-gilfriend, she was so wonderful."
She has publicly stated: "I prefer to be called the outlaw."
She says that people who use a computer for more than a couple of hours a day need psycological help, and that they are avoiding their family.
My husband came to my defense and said: "that's funny because Amy spends most of her time talking to her family and friends on it."
Now that I've given you a small taste of what I go through, I will state my wrong doing and the one time I stood up to her. When our problems began, which was when my husband undewent his surgery, I asked her to please "let's
work this out." She refused, and that is when I said to her: "Look, no matter what I do or say, I will never be good enough for your son, and the same goes for your other daughter in laws."
While I admit I probably shouldn't have said this, now it's so bad that I completely ignore her when she's around because I feel I won't ever have the chance to be friends with her again. (She has openly talked about past friends she has had and has said if she is crossed by anyone, the friendship is over. She has gotten angry with me when I say positive things about people she dosen't like. And believe me, I do not say nice things about people to upset her,
I just happen to see good things in people.
The last time she was in town staying with us, she got angry with me, and left for her sister's house. Another daughter in law told me she talked very poorly about me while she was there. Then she came back to my house and was
calling me: "honey", after she got into an argument with her sister, and at that point, her sister was the "bitch."
How do I act around her? I overheard her telliing my father in law: "she's giving us the silent treatment." I'm so afraid to be around her because no matter what I do, it's probably the wrong thing. The part that hurts the most, is that I am a very sensitive person and I cry many tears wishing she would be nice to me and just accept me. I feel bad for my husband because I see that this hurts him too. Any suggestions?
Thanks great granny for taking the time to read this!
Yours truly,
