I hope you have been having a good day. I suppose I need to give you a condensed story of my baby's father. We met and stayed together for 3 1/2 years. The last 6 months of that he cheated and I eventually left. Three months later I decided I had enough "fooling" around. I found out that he had a girlfriend that was pregnent. Several, months
later we began our "saga" of seeing each other. As a result on Dec. 02, 1998, my baby was born.
He moved in after his girlfriend left him. He left a year later and is currently living with her. He has two children by her although he wonders if the second one is his. The girlfriend is currently pregnent with another man's child. He is wanting to marry this girl but has second thoughts.
I have recently admitted to myself that no matter what I do, it would never change the way I feel about my baby's father. I also know that no matter what I do or say he will never leave his girlfriend. I have tried it all. Baby was not one of those things to keep though. I love this man and will forever. But I know that the way he treated me through the "saga" is not the way I want to live.
He probably knows that I wouldn't allow it anymore but still makes references to it. I get upset sometimes that he continues to be with her through all the crap she's done.
It upsets me that I do love this man but cannot have him come home. What to do ?
You will never have him exclusively. Look at the whole situation from a practical point of view. If having him at your side is sufficiently important to share him with whomever else he may want to be with, then go ahead and plan your life around him. But be sure to keep separate as to money and property so that if he some day becomes ensnared in someone else's life, you don't lose your livelihood.
In other words, be yourself, your own boss, and have your own life, well defined without him. Then you can enjoy whatever it is about him that you enjoy without jeapardizing everything. Your children will have to be your responsibility because obviously he will have too many other dependants as time goes by.
This scenario isn't really too terrible, and also it isn't unusual. The world is full of people who live together temporarily for one reason or another; sometimes it is love, and sometimes it is convenience, and often it is purely economics.
Think through your own situation and do whatever seems right for you now. Tomorrow things could change drastically, so be prepared to accept the change, when it comes. But most importantly, take charge. Make sure it is YOUR decision and that the life style you choose is on YOUR terms.
Good luck with it all.
GG
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