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Granny's Advice By Rosaleen Dickson, BA, MJ
- Dear Great Granny.
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I have been involved with a man for 3 yrs...he is 11 yrs older. I am 44, he is 55. He has been separated from his wife for 12 yrs but won't get divorced; being catholic is convenient.
We have a bar room romance. It is the only time we see each other. He says he loves me..wants to buy a house together. He works shift work...days off he hibernates. Everyone thinks we are the perfect couple...don't realize that
we only see each other at the bar when I stop because he is there...says I am his sweety...loves me to death..I am even labeled as his 'woman'.
What do you think about all of this? Should I stay or stray? My problem is I do love him. I also have a boy 22, and a girl 18 with one year of school left. They all get along well, and he does help me with them money-wise at times. So, what should I do? I will be waiting to hear from you...thanks.
- Dear friend
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If you want to live with him what is stopping you? I can't imagine when and where your son and daughter "all get
along well" with that man considering that you only meet him in the bar, but I suppose I shouldn't ask.
Since you love him, and since he calls you his "sweety" and has labeled you as his woman, why don't you let him buy the house and move in with him? If his religion prevents him from divorcing his wife, so be it. Everyone must follow their conscience.
One precaution. If you are paying for the house, or even helping to pay for it, make sure that the house ownership is in your name. It could be owned jointly by you and him, but don't let him be the sole owner. This is just in case something happens later that would leave you without anything. It's not that you don't trust him but just a sensible way to arrange things now to avoid trouble later.
And remember that he is married to another woman and as she grows older she might need help, and he will feel obliged. She will forever be a part of your extended family. Not an easy situation, but then who do we know who has an easy situation? Life is never simple. Take your happiness where you find it but know that it's not always a bowl of cherries.
Yours truly,
GG
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