I have a sister, who has told me how things were always easy for me, and difficult for her. She also felt I was "the favorite". Therefore, she resented me as a child and we were never close. In my defense, she never finished school or any project she ever started. She always reminded everyone she was the baby and therefore should be helped. Helped = do it for her.
Now as an adult, she has been telling how she realizes she was wrong, I am a warm wonderful person, she loves me dearly, she wants us to be friends-close friends. Our parents are both dead. She called me says I am getting married again, I want you at my wedding. Great just tell me when and where.
A week AFTER she is married I get a card & picture with all the information. She calls a few weeks later. I say "I was really hurt you did not call me to be at your wedding." She says- Well, His mother and I got into an argument and she decided she would not come to the wedding. So, we decided we would get married anyway. We only invited
friends!
After they are married they move to a remote area. She is lonesome has no friends. She calls me to talk , her friends hang up on her. They do not want to hear anymore . She should learn to like it there or move. I listen she sounds
depressed. So, I continue to listen. She tells of how she wishes she had a computer, want to learn W98, and various programs . Guess What? I have just got a new computer. It has a lot of Hard disk. The old one works fine, but only has 200 Mb of memory. She says that will be great. I know all about computers , no problem. So, I send it to her, with instructions. After a week she has not opened the box. I call did you get the package?? etc... Yes, did not have time to open it, she has a job as a census taker, life is wonderful, she will talk with me later.
She calls the following day, the computer crashed! to make the story short. She did many things, one would NOT do and then tells me she is not familiar that brand of computer.!!! I asked her did you read any of the instructions? She said OH? , I will read them and call you back later. That was a month ago.
We are in our 50's. She had been doing this for years, these are recent events. How do I stay friendly but, not get taken in? My daughter says drop her she is a user of people.
Any suggestions? thank you/
How do you stay friendly? By doing just what you have done all your life. You are good to her. You do your best for her. You speak kindly to her, and you speak kindly OF her. Don't let yourself fall into a habit of telling people about all her faults. Keep them in the family, and don't dwell on them. Try hard to find something redeeming about her and let that be the topic of all conversation about her.
That's how you stay friendly.
As for not being taken in, there is no way for that. She will always take advantage of you. By now you have learned to live with that fact. Go right on accepting it. You will never change her. Probably she doesn't realize how obnoxious she is. If she still finds it necessary to talk about you being the favourite of your parents, this means her life is lacking in anything interesting. Ignore all that and be glad that at least YOU have a fuller life and more to think about than who was father's pet.
The episode with the computer is familiar. People who don't know computers seem to expect a great deal from those of us who have taken the trouble to figure them out. But it's like having a baby. You can't tell anyone else how to do it, each of has to do it for herself. Well, that's a stretched out metaphor, but it just came to me and I think there IS a similarity.
I wonder what her reaction would be if some day you needed her to help you out in some real way. Would she come to your side and do what she could for you? Perhaps you'll never find out, but you ARE sisters. No matter how badly she peeves you and regardless of what your children think, don't give up on her. Set an example of family solidarity for them to emulate.
Take her as she is and remember, she IS your sister. In my view that's important. And since you asked me, that's my message. You could try not to become too involved with her, but don't give up on her.
Truly yours,
GG
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