Yes indeed I can offer you some advice, but you won't take it. My advice is that if you want to possess a man totally, keep looking.
Your farmer sounds to me like a wonderful person. and part of his greatness is his loyalty to his family. His parents are so fortunate to have such a son, and the woman he marries will be equally fortunate to be his wife. But they will all have to work together and love one another.
Whoever marries that man will also be marrying his family. She must be mature enough to realize this, and she must appreciate his mother for all she is. A strong woman like his mother will have opinions and standards that can not be thwarted. It will take a very bright, intelligent, secure and stable woman to marry into that family and carry on the tradition of loyalty to the mother of that young man.
You sound like a silly school girl to me; a person who hasn't clicked into reality yet. I don't think you have the fortitude
to enter into such a responsible position.
If you marry him you will be unhappy forever. You will think you have to compete with his mother and you will never win. Also, she deserves a daughter in law who will recognize her and respect her and love her. I don't think there is any possible way you could be the daughter in law she deserves. You are already telling me that you hate her and she has done nothing to be hated for.
When you think of what she does every day for her family, try to imagine how much work goes into that. I don't think you could come near that devotion to family that has become a tradition in their family.
If you persist in wanting to become that farmer's wife, work for a while at improving your attitude. And if you just can't fit into their exemplary way of life, marry someone else and leave them in peace.
Now, as I said, you are not going to take my advice, so you had better sit down and have a long talk with yourself. You can not ever, ever change that family. Your boy friend's mother will need her son's wife to be a friend, but she will never change her mothering of him, ever. So, if that situation is ever going to be anything but a constant life-long quarrel, you will have to change your entire attitude towards married life.
Being jealous of an older woman who is the mother of the man you hope to marry is ludicrous.
You can not own him; you can only share his life. And that life includes his family, all of it. If you think about it seriously for a while, you might resolve to be the great, wise, loving and giving wife he really needs, and marry him with his mother's blessing. I hope that's the way it will be.
Sincerely
GG
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