I live in Denver, am in a blended family situation. My third marriage. I have 2 grown daughters. One of my daughters (Holly) lives here in town and has 2 adorable little boys who I adore.
My problem is that her husband has been very abusive to me and my husband and so I can only see the kids when he is not at home or if Holly brings them to my house. This problem has gone on for a year, and believe me there is no "fixing" it. It is also very hurtful that my daughter and her husband spend most holidays with my ex (her father and his wife). I feel so left out.
Should I just feel content in what visits we can have and let it go at that? Easter was pretty lonely. I just feel so hurt.
Thanks for your support. Are there any other websites for people in similar situations?
You don't sound very "blended" to me. I think your family has been separated into little pieces and if you're not happy with the piece you have selected, then I guess you have to find some diversions to fill out your life.
You say you were lonely on Easter. I guess your husband went fishing, or out with the boys or something. That's too bad. You might take up fishing, some hobby of your own, like rug hooking, or weaving which has come back into fashion in a big way.
Your son in law is abusive to you so you would be wise to stay away from his house. You might seriously study what it is about you that offends him so badly and see if that situation can be improved. Meanwhile, if your daughter brings the children around to see you once in a while, that sounds like fun. I hope you make the most of these visits by having a great time with them and not wasting precious moments commiserating with your daughter about her husband. I'm sure she knows all about him and doesn't need to come over to your house to hear you complain
about him further.
Wherever that young family goes for holidays is their choice. If they don't choose to come to your house, don't take it as a slight, or an insult. Just accept that it suits them better to go wherever they do go. It's not for you to decide, and if you start comparing yourselves with other in-laws, or with anyone else in the world, even with your former husband's current wife, you are only asking for misery.
Be a happy person with all the people around you even if you see them seldom. Fill your life with interesting activities so that when you are with your children and grandchildren they can see you are an interesting person, doing fascinating things. It would be a mistake for you to centre your life on your children and their children. You have devoted many years of your life raising those children, now that job is finished.
Take an interest in community affairs, politics, gardening - anything. But don't let family affairs dominate your life.
So, in answer to your question about fixing it, no, you can't fix it. But you can certainly live happily in spite of it. And
as for other places on the Internet like this; there aren't any. We are one of a kind, at your service!
Truly yours,
GG
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