Here's my problem, my wife and I have been married 25 years. At this time she seems to have lost the intimacy in our relationship....I can still go but she's given up.
To give you a brief history I think I may have destroyed it. Back a couple of years ago I talked her into "swinging"
with another couple...just to spice up our sex life. "well" it backfired. She now has deep regrets about this event, and blames me for it, which I have taken full responsibility. At one point a few months back she even served me with papers for a divorce, this deeply hurt me...we went to some counselling which seem to help to some degree, because she doesn't want one now.
However, its been five month's now and she still won't let me make love to her? Please
help me with some advice....what can I do?
You can give her the divorce on her own terms and hope she will find the faithful husband she really wants. Then you can start a new marriage with someone who shares your own fantasies.
That would be the most sensible solution to both your problems. But since you've gone to the trouble of paying for marriage counsel, and you say it helped you, perhaps you'll find another solution. The counselling didn't apparently change your wife except to persuade her not to keep asking for a divorce. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I'm not a marriage counsellor so I really can't imagine why you're asking me this question.
However, you've asked, so here's a suggestion. Take a holiday from marriage. Go your separate ways. Move apart. If you have children, make the best arrangements for them with one or both or you, but keep separate households; one of you will go to an apartment, live with relatives, leave the country, whatever you can afford.
Then, after a few months without seeing each other, start all over again. A call. Lunch. Theatre. Eventually, a date. Try to remember what you did for her before you were married. Treat her like a person you wished you could be close to and keep right on being your best self so she might come to love you again.
This is not a novel idea. I got it from a very famous professor of Psychology, now deceased, who left his wife, moved into a different city, and then courted her all over again. He was a friend of my family and told us it was the perfect way to regain the joys of his early marriage. It worked for him, and that was about sixty years ago. It might work for you.
But if you still find monogamy boring, don't bother her any more. Let her find someone more in tune with her own preferred lifestyle.
Truly yours
GG
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