After being married for almost 6 years, and thinking that I was the happiest woman alive,3 nights ago my husband told me that he had never loved me!!!!
How could this be possible? He is an amazing man, he always bought me flowers, tried to surprise me with something beautiful everyday, we had lots of fun. Lately he has been different. It seems that he doesn't care for
me. Last week he went out with his friend and told me that he will meet me at 8:00 so we can go out for dinner, he came home at 12:00. He never even called me to tell me that he is not going make it for the dinner. I was all dressed with my shoes on sitting and waiting for him! When I asked him why he didn't bother to call, he said that he didn't want his friends to call him "whipped"!!!!
I'm a full time college student and sometime my husband drops me off and picks me up from school. 3 nights ago I had class till 8:00 P.M. he knows that, I he said "see you at 8:00" when he dropped me off in the morning. But he didn't come to pick me up till 10:00 P.M. and he said that he was watching hockey and it was very exciting so he couldn't come and get me. so we had an argument, and he said that he has to tell me something very important, and he told me that he had never loved me.
We used to have a lot of fun together but for some reason he is cold with me. Our sex life is/was very good. It's hard for me to be the centre of his univers and all of a sudden he ignors me!!!
I know he is not cheating, he is not like that. He had a very bad childhood,his mom left him when he was only 2 years old and never came back, & his father used to beat him up every single day. We are very poor so we had no choice but moving in with his father. I know he is not comfortable living here and seeing his dad everyday. I know that he was also sexually touched by his father, but I don't know if all of that has something to do with our relationship. I love him dearly and I don't want this relationship to go to waste. & I don't want him to turn out to be like his father a loner!
Please help me , I want to stop crying I want to laugh again, and I want him to be like he used to be.
Well I'm sorry but things will never be like they used to be.Time marches on and relationships change.
Telling you now that he never loved you is stupid, and he's doing other stupid things as well, but if you really want this
marriage to continue, you just have to put up with these stupidities. You can no longer rely on him to turn up at any special hour. You have to learn to laugh again even when everything seems to be going wrong. Try to see the funny side of it.
He forgot to pick you up because the hockey was such fun to watch. That's funny. Laugh. His friends are calling him
"switched" if he comes on time to pick you up for dinner. That's funny too. Cut him lots of slack and don't expect him to go on courting you with surprises and beautiful things forever.
His life hasn't been great thus far, losing his mother and with a difficult and probably disturbed father. Don't let your
expectations of him drive him into further troubled times. Knowing that he is not going to be reliable, stop relying on
him. Be his friend but don't depend on him for a while.
After a while, when he has come to realize that you're not being hurt all the time by his forgetfulness and thoughtlessness, he might, just might, improve. But don't count on it.
Living with his father is putting a stress on you both. When you graduate and are able to get a job, maybe you can move to a place of your own. I hope so. Meanwhile, it's all up to you. He is not going to change. And as for loving you, his definition of the word may not be yours. Don't dwell on that. Don't even talk about it again. What's the use?
If you want to get away from him, or if you ever do think that he is really getting interested in some other woman, then you can discuss love. Meanwhile, think of it as a one-way street. If you love him, let him know, but don't expect him to reciprocate. Patience on your part will benefit you greatly.
Truly yours,
GG
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