I have not told anyone about my situation until now, and am not even sure why I'm telling you, I guess I just am
feeling a little lost for what I should do, I am seeing a married man, who also just happens to be my boss. My problem is that he is expecting me to wait until his wife makes the move to leave the relationship.
He told me that he tried to leave before and found out that she could ruin him and the people that work for him,
financially. I do believe him, because he explained to me how they obtained the business, and it does ring true. My problem is I'm not sure if I am making a mistake in waiting. I'm not sure if I'm wasting my time. She may never
leave. She really has the best of both worlds, even though there is not really any love between the two of them. I know because I see them together, and she talks to me; she has no clue we are together. Anyway she has a beautiful home and she can come and go as she pleases. I just don't think she will go anywhere.
Now the biggest part of the whole situation, I DO LOVE HIM very much, and I know he loves me too.
What should I do? Please help me to see the whole picture.
Thank you for your time,
Baffled.
I know why you wrote to me about this; it's because you know what you should do but want someone else to reinforce your decision.
It's hard to see facts clearly when you're so involved in the particulars. The simple fact is that you should never have let your initial infatuation with this man develop into a love affair. And he should certainly not have done the same.
It is his responsibility now to tell his wife that he wants to leave her and take the consequences. If the jobs of his business associates are more important than his love for you, then that's your answer.
One-way love is no love at all; it takes two and they both have to be devoted.
Are you sure you want him without his business and all the good things that money can buy? Are you sure that your need for him would be the same if he was out on his own without whatever his wife is supplying to make his life comfortable?
Think of him in a different light - not as your boss but as a divorced man with no back-up team, which is what his wife is now providing. And remember that divorced men have to pay alimony and child support.
If he leaves his wife and marries you, remember that you will not have that lovely home and all the amenities that she now enjoys, coming and going as she pleases. Your life will not be at all like hers is now. It will be a whole new ballgame, starting from scratch, with only you and this weak-kneed man who hasn't the guts to tell his wife he doesn't love her any more and wants to leave her.
Or, is it possible that he really has not felt the same as you. Is it possible that he really doesn't want to change things as they are? Is life in the home he has worked so hard to establish far too comfortable to leave? Do you really think being with you is worth all he will lose?
After all, he is not a youngster any more. It might not be as easy to set up a whole new business, new employees, new partners, new suppliers, new clients, new premises - the whole thing. Not easy - and all this without that strong woman who helped him with it all in the first place. Are you up to all that? Are you a match for his present wife? If he did leave her and marry you would he forever be wondering if he did the right thing?
Why is he not facing the facts now? Is it possible that he does not see things in the same way as you do? Falling in love is such an easy thing to do but if it involves a whole enormous change in a person's life, then it becomes not so easy. I think this man just wants to continue having you on the side, with no commitment.
You did ask my advice, so here it is. Give him one week to tell his wife he will leave her, and if he won't do that, then stay away from him for a month.
After the month, ask him again. If he still won't make his move within a week, then stay away from him for a year. If in that year you have not found someone else to fall in love with, I'll be surprised.
Meanwhile, for goodness sake, don't get pregnant!
Yours,
GG
Return to Granny's Query index
