I am in need of some help and guidance. I am getting married to a wonderful man in a month. I have asked my father to walk me down the isle. He agreed and also agreed to help us with the wedding financially.
I called him the other day to let him know what was going on and when he needed to be places at what time. He told me that he is working Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I am getting married at 6:00 pm on Friday. He said he cannot take any time off because it would screw up his whole schedule. He works until 5:30. He said he is going to try
and get someone to relieve him early around 3:30 on the day I get married. He also has pointed out to me several times that he will not be able to stay too long at the reception because he has to work in the morning. And then he tells me that he may have to have eye surgery and he is going to see a specialist 2 weeks before my wedding. He told
me in a round about way that if the surgery is scheduled for the same day of my wedding he is probably going to have it done. I striaght out asked what are you telling me and he said he won't know unitl 2 weeks before the wedding and he will only be able to give me a two weeks notice and that is the way it will have to be. He also said if he has this surgery he could be out of work and probably living out in the streets. My father is an electrician and makes 40,000 a year. I then asked are you telling me that you cannot help with the wedding and he said no I told you I would help but I will give you $1,000 and your mother can take care of the rest she is a parent also. My mother has already spent about 700 helping us with dress, and many accessories.
My parents have been divorced for about 15 years and my father is an alcoholic. My question is - what is the right and proper thing to do?
He has really made me feel like it is a burden for him to be there? I know someone (who was wonderful to me growing up, even bought me my first prom dress because my father did not have the money - so he said) I can ask to be by my side who would be honored.
Please let me know your opinion.
You want your wedding day to be as free of worry as possible so I believe you should ask that good friend you have to be a pinch-hitter and walk down the aisle with you in case your father doesn't turn up. You will feel great with him there and nobody will be hurt, because your father really doesn't want to be there.
If your father can help you pay for the wedding, that will be nice but you can't force him to do that. If there's not enough
money to have a big fancy reception, then have a simple one. Try to remember that it is not the "wedding" that matters, it is the marriage - and that could and should last for a long time. If it starts off with a wedding that nobody can afford you will not be giving yourselves a chance.
If your father arrives but doesn't "walk you down" ask the ushers to show him to a seat at the front of the church so that
when the preacher says "who gives this woman" your father can say "I do" - or in unison with your mother he can say "we do". And if he forgets to say that, it won't matter anyway. You are giving him an opportunity to take part in the wedding but the whole ceremony won't depend on him. Your mother will surely be able to say "I do" by herself if your father doesn't happen to show up, or forgets his part.
Meanwhile, you will have been escorted to the altar by a good friend and everyone will be happy.
The worst thing you could possibly do would be to keep prodding your father to be there and then face the possibility that he wouldn't turn up for any one of his various reasons, or excuses, whichever they may be.
What if, after all, he does turn up and does want to walk down the aisle with you? Tell your other friend of this possibility and ask him to be ready in either case, letting your father step in if he arrives. I'm sure your friend knows the family situation well enough to understand. The main thing is for there to be no disturbing disputes which might spoil the day.
If you're prepared for any contingency, you will have a lovely care-free wedding.
Truly yours,
GG
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