Hello- I'm at a standstill and hope you can help. My son has a son. He was never married to the mother. They (mother and grandson) live in Ohio. My son in South Carolina and my husband and I in North Carolina. When we found out about our grandson he was nine months old. We went to Ohio on his Birthday. It takes 5 hrs to get there from North Carolina. Our son went too. It was what he wanted to do. I was not happy with his environment. House very old. Outside very hilly. But I can't change that. He was limited to one room in the house. any way.
We only could stay for 1 day and a half because of work. We didn't get to spend time alone with him. They finally came down to North Carolina for a day in Jan. Mainly to pick up his Christmas presents. I thought when they were
down here that we all agreed it was time for our grandson to bond with his dad. We even pick out the place time and day to start.
Well, the day came and the mother changed her mind. She said we were strangers and that the baby was very attached to her. She has used this excuse twice before. Anyway I have always been the go between for my son because they never could talk without shouting or getting mad. But when I called my son and told him that she had changed her mind, he said he would just have to go to court.
She called him and lied saying I called her every day and that he better get me off her back if he wanted to see his son. Well, now I don't know where I stand. She got mad at me because I told her she needed to think about her son and that he needed to get to know his dad but he can't if she won't let us have him.
Should I take her to court for visitation or just let my son handle it. but I don't think he is willing to take her to court. Can you help?
Thank you.
Here is where you stand. Your grandson may be living with a single parent, in a very old house surrounded by hills, but I suspect he is loved by the mother who is taking care of him. That's what he needs right now. He does not need to be the centre of a family dispute and he certainly won't gain anything from a court case.
As he grows older there will be plenty of time for your son to "bond" with him, if that's what your son needs. To be a real father-figure, if that's how he perceives himself, he could set up a conventional family and live with a wife and children. Meanwhile, this little boy could only be removed from his mother if a court would be persuaded that she was abusing or neglecting him. That's for your son to decide. If he wants to accuse his baby's mother of that, it's entirely up to him.
All of this has nothing to do with you. I know, you ARE the baby's grandmother, but that does not give you license to try to run their affairs. Leave your son alone, and leave the mother of his baby alone. If she wants to visit you with the baby, that's fine. If she invites you to visit her, that's alright too. But don't get yourself embroiled in discussion of what is right and what is wrong for the baby. Take him, and her, as they are, or leave them alone.
You raised your own son in the best way you could, and chances are you did a great job. Now it's over. As an adult he must do what he will do without your interference. And you have no reason in the world to get involved in the raising of your grandchildren.
If the baby were to be abandoned, you could step in and offer to adopt him, but that's not the situation. You would be doing everyone a favour if you could fill your life with other matters and just enjoy your grandson when it is convenient for his parents to have you around. I know it's not easy to see people making mistakes without stepping in to fix things right. But that's what you have to do unless you want to cause a whole lot of trouble that might last a lifetime.
Step back and let your son handle the whole affair himself, in whatever ways he wants to. And if he does nothing, well, that's his prerogative. Anyway, that's the way I see it.
Of course you'll do what you see fit but at least you can think it over and maybe my sugtestions could help. I hope so.
Truly yours,
GG
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