We have a problem in our family regarding our son, his girlfriend and their baby. Our son is now 32 and his girlfriend
is 35 and they have had the first and only child for each of them last summer.
They both have good jobs and have just built a new home only four miles from us. The problem is that my husband and I rarely get to see the baby. They might try to come over once a week or so but they only stay for an hour or an hour and a half. We have babysat a few times but not many.
When the baby was born, DILs mother spent most of each day with her for the first 2-3 weeks. We did see the baby about an hour or so a week but I thought she just needed time to get back on her feet and all. Now her mother babysits the baby everyday which I think is great since I teach school and cannot keep him.
We asked our daughter-in-law and our son to please let us have our grandson one evening a week for 3 hours or so but they won't do that. That is what we do with our other grandson. When they do come for a visit, they are always in a hurry to leave.
We have had problems with this ever since he was born. We even had a show down once but it is back to the same
problems as before. I realize that we don't agree on many things but we all do agree that we love our grandson.
Am I being unreasonable to ask to see him at least 3-4 hours a week? We really don't know him--what he likes to eat, what size he wears, his mannerisms, etc. That is what I miss the most. What should we do to solve this situation?
Hurting Grandma
What you should do is adopt a baby of your own because that little grandson is someone else's child. You seem to need a baby to call your own and since you love children so much, I believe you could provide a wonderful home for some child whose parents can't keep him.
Also you should not try to compare the treatment and attitudes of one set of parents with another. There is no way that the situation in the homes of your various children could be identical. They each look after their babies in the best way
they can, and if in one case that means bringing him over to your house frequently, you should not assume that the other family will do the same.
If you persist in trying to persuade your son and his wife to share your grandson with you more often, you will only alienate them. The quarrel could develop into a full fledged feud which could be disastrous for everyone concerned.
Make sure that whatever time you have with the baby is pleasant and doesn't include any arguing about anything. Babies observe everything, and little children remember. They form attitudes early. Love him and display your love for his parents every time you are together with them.
If you feel an emptiness in your life that only time with that particular grandson will fill, I think you could look around the community and find other activities to fill the void. Volunteering at hospitals, community centres, senior centres,
schools, church - are just a few ideas. Or how about art classes, or singing in a choir.
I know, you are thinking I'm off the track here - looking for something to fill your time when you may already be busy. But all I'm suggesting is that you could find something else to focus your attention on at this point - something other than your little grandson. He isn't going to disappear. As he grows older you could get to know him better, as long as you don't ruin the relationship now by whining or complaining.
Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and sing when you are with him. You can be very close if you share even a very few moments - as long as they are pleasant moments.
I hope yours will always be pleasant.
Truly yours,
GG
Return to Granny's Query index
