My husband had a hernia surgery this week and his mother came to our home to help me take care of him. She has been quite helpful but at times she really gets on my nerves when she seems to over dramatize the situation. My husbands surgery was fairly simple but yet she would watch him as he slept and was worried about the way he was breathing...she called her doctor, in another part of the state, because she wanted clarification on a medical term that we had already had explained to us by several professionals.
She seemed overly concerned about everything this week and I guess the fact that my husband turned into "her little boy" didn't help. I ended up feeling like maybe he should move in with his "mommy" and let her take care of him.
I should mention that on a normal basis that I can tell you that I do love my mother-in-law, especially when she is at her home 1 1/2 hours away but, I do not like how I feel and am worried "what is wrong with me" for feeling this way?
Your concern is well founded. You really want to know why you should be feeling put out because of your mother in law's attitude towards her sick son. Well, what you feel is natural because you are accustomed to being the one in charge of the worrying in your house. Now it is being shared and she does it differently.
Just sit back and let it happen. No two women worry in the same way, and for one's big strong husband who looks after one usually it is done in one way, whereas for one's little boy who happens to be grown up now, it's done differently.
Let her do everything she wants regarding her son and when he is up and well again he will return to being your husband.
Consider how fortunate you are to have her help, even it it's a real nuisance when she questions things you've already ascertained. She has her own favourite doctor, whom she trusts, and that's natural. And if she feels the whole episode is worse than it actually is, try to be her friend so she won't be all alone in her concern.
She's obviously worried sick, and maybe she even thinks that you are taking lightly what she believes is a life threatening situation. So don't argue with her and share her concern. If she comes to tell you he is still breathing - well, tell her how relieved you are to know that and mean it.
Perhaps you have children, and perhaps you have come upon them at night and actually had to wake them to be sure they are still breathing, and perhaps you have watched a child die. If not, it might not be too easy for you to understand her feelings for her son right now. But try to be as sympathetic with her as you can possibly be. That's your chore during this episode. When it's over you will be glad you didn't let it turn you into her enemy.
Every day I get letters from people who can't get along with their mothers-in-law, or daughters-in-law, and it all starts
with just such an experience. You must weather this storm and come out of it with a friend instead of an enemy. I think she's great. I wish I'd had that kind of help when my own husband was sick. You are fortunate. You are also a very considerate person to be thinking about improving your attitude towards her. Remember that in cases of emergency and stress, people aren't always able to act in a way that would seem sensible to others.
Keep your compassion. I know you can do it.
Good luck,
GG
Return to Granny's Query index
