I have a broken heart from the unkindness and thoughtlessness of my mother-in-law, father-in-law and sister-in-law. They are the most self-centred people I have ever met. They only look for us to be family to them. Apparently they truly believe your son is your son till he takes a wife, your daughter is your daughter for life. My husband and
I have been together almost 13 yrs. We have 3 children, 9,6 & 5. I have no parents and no family around for support. For years I have tried to make his family mine, but they really don't care. They really don't care about me personally.
It has been so hard raising my children all alone. God and my wonderful husband and the spirits of my parents have gotten me through. No matter how tired I was, I always called them, had them over for dinner, bought gifts, sent cards. When they were over, they would just sit and expect to be waited on. They never cared how exhausted I was from being up all night with babies etc. They have never given us much thought through the years. They do not appreciate the beautiful family god has given them. My in-laws have done and said many cruel things to my husband and myself. We're always the bad guys in their eyes. We never do anything right. All our decisions are wrong. We are constantly criticized for every decision we make.
My children are getting older and can see this now, My sister-in-law is a princess. She has never tried to be my friend. I feel as though I'm a competitor in her eyes. She is 11 yrs younger than my husband and spoiled beyond belief. My husband has been brainwashed into believing that sisters should be treated better. All through the years his sister has been given many more opportunities. My in-laws have put her on a pedestal and everyone should adore their wonderful girl.
They are destroying the family. I can't sit by and watch this anymore. My sister in law is going to have a baby and my mother in law is acting as if this is her first grandchild. She never gave any interest to my pregnancies, she even refused to give a baby shower for her first grandchild, her sons first child. She has never called and asked me if I need any help all these years. Whenever I have called them for help they say, where's Dave, he should be helping you. They have made us feel very alone all these years.
My mother in law never pops over just to spend time with her grandchildren. Whenever we do get together it has to be for a meal, which of course I have to prepare. My mother-in-law used to invite us over once in a while for dinner, but now she's too tired to cook for her grandchildren. This woman is as healthy as they come. She is 64, retired, goes shopping and walking every day with her friends. She makes no time for our children. It hurts to see this self-absorbed woman give none of herself to anyone except what she thinks is her priority, her daughter, shopping and lunch with her friends, yet expects us to love her and act like family to her.
She has been very cruel to me over the years and doesn't care how I feel. God says forgive, I am a christian, but history just repeats itself and it hurts too much. As much as my husband loves his family, he is a glutton for punishment. I just can't sit back anymore and watch this and have a smile on my face. I can't be what these people want me to be.
I am human and have feelings. My children also don't need to be hurt by their thoughtless and selfish ways. How can
people be so dysfunctional to think its ok to go through life this way and have no repercussions of their actions?
I'm sorry this letter is so long. Please give me some advice.
The best advice I can give you is to thank God that woman does not just pop in and visit you whenever she feels like it. You have done a very wise thing in writing down all your grievances against her, and her daughter. Writing it down is a good way to get it out of your system. Really. It works wonders. For one thing, putting it into words makes it clear that it is all happening as you say it is.
Now that you've done that, I wonder why you don't just leave things as they are. The people aren't very nice so make every effort to stay apart from them. Don't invite them to your home and make excuses when they invite you to theirs. You don't enjoy being with them at all, in fact I think it probably makes you sick. So just stay away.
Thank goodness you have such a wonderful husband, and those great children. Since you have no parents to, as you put it "for support" then you have to be the whole support yourself, you and your husband. All the moral and spiritual uplifting that is going to exist for your family must come from you, nobody else. Don't expect anything at all from his parents because you will only be disappointed.
Your mother in law might not be as terrible a person as she seems to you. She might be selfish, or she might just feel that after spending many years looking after everyone else's needs she is going to spend her time now doing what she enjoys most. If that happens to be shopping and gadding about with her friends, so be it. You will be 64 some day and dear knows what you will choose to do. Whether you approve or not of her behaviour, you can't change it, so just ignore it since it upsets you.
If you don't expect anything from her you won't be disappointed. And for goodness sake don't continue to compare what she does for somebody else with what she doesn't do for you. Comparisons only cause trouble. Don't ever discuss these things with the children. Let them form their own opinions of their grandparents. With a little luck they will overlook the selfishness that you see, and will only have good feelings towards the grandparents, unless you teach them otherwise.
Grow strong and you won't need them. Your life is full enough with your own family, your husband and the children, so you don't need to depend on others. If they are really as mean minded as you say they are, I wouldn't give them the time of day. If they aren't really quite that bad, well, you might try to get on good terms with them for just a short while every once in a while, for the sake of your husband. This great animosity between them and you must be very hard on him. For his benefit, you could try to at least pretend they were nice enough to tolerate on special occasions. Your task is not easy. But then many worthwhile tasks aren't.
Good luck.
GG
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