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Granny's Advice By Rosaleen Dickson, BA, MJ
- Dear Great Granny.
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I would like to know how to better relate to my mother-in-law. It drives me crazy that she is always giving me advice on everything -- from how to make a better cup of coffee to how warmly to dress my children. Though I
suppose she means well, I find her tone disapproving and condescending. She was just here for a week long visit, and for the first three days I just smiled and nodded my head. For the next couple of days I avoided her. And on the last day, I baited her into arguments over race and religion (she is unapologetically racist and elitist on these subjects as well).
Now that she has been gone a couple of days, I feel bad about the way I acted. How could I better cope with being on the receiving end of her unsolicited advice? I don't want to alienate her, as she has been a good mother to my husband and a wonderful grandmother to my children.
Is there some little catch phrase I could repeat to myself to keep myself in check?
Sincerely,
Daughter-in-law
- Dear friend
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You have solved your own problem. Where there is a will there is a way. Your desire to get along is SO RARE in my experience here as I read hundreds of letters from people who don't want to get along. Usually they write long letters of hate about how horrible their mothers in law, or their daughters in law, are, and I get many examples of what they all think is horrid behaviour.
You are the rare exception. You can see what she is trying to do. It's only natural that after enough of that solicitous partonizing you blew off and did all the wrong things. I know how hard it is to resist baiting people about their bigotry. But you can resist.
Maybe if you remember that one of these days, sooner than you can imagine, you will be a mother in law yourself. Of course you will be a perfect example of the best possible mother in aw - but it will not be easy.
You will have to bite your tongue, to keep the peace. Now you have to do the same thing. It doesn't seem fair that it is always YOU who has to make the effort. But that's life.
If you need a Mantra - just say "That's Life" - and then say something cheerful and hope she won't stay too long.
Good luck,
GG
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