I really don't know where to start before our marriage or after? My husband and I have been married for nine years and been together for 12 years! I am originally from California, I met my husband in Vallejo area while he was going to college back in 1988. He is from Oregon which we now live in (Washington neighbors as you see!)
I must be his special person in his life to bring me home to his parents. It was great at the first couple trips then it was starting to show with my husband's Mother introducing me as Chris's friend not girlfriend. We were wearing the same coats or holding hands in front of people. It was starting to bother me thinking she thinks it was a fling.
Thanksgiving 1989, Chris decided to get me a promise ring prove his love for me and showing me that when he graduates from college he will buy me the engagement ring. I was so happy for us but she was buying the
same ring for her younger son without his knowledge. It made me sick and Iexplained to my boyfriend at the time does your Mom hate me or something because what she had just did was wrong.
My husband and I got married in 1990 and had our baby 1991, I was a very happy person glowing birth of our son and proud of my husband's job though he travels a lot! We were living with my parents for a year to save money for our first home. Now my parents are wonderful people and they were crazy about my husband. They had welcome him into their home while he was going to school, when we got married. When we moved to Washington he comes down to his work base he always stop by to visit or stays over!
So here I am 9 years later with two boys, a home, a yard, bills to handle and my husband who now in Guam for 6 mos. I can't stand my mother in law, I have never met a person that meddles so much in my life and I don't know what to say to her. I tell my husband can you see that your Mom is hurting me. How would you feel if my Mom had treated you like way your Mom does? His line is: go back where you came from if you don't like it here!
Most recent problems is my younger son he was playing on a tread mill which he was told number of times. He tripped and he had friction burns on his arms (spent three hours in the ER). The next day he had gotten into
Benedryl to ease his pain so back we went to the urgent care to make him throw up. As it turned out the doctor said it will make him sleepy but since I reacted sooner he will be fine! Well, I told my mother in law what had
happened to my son she just flipped, started yelling at me saying he has had too many injuries in his young life. That she worries about my children with me and that this stuff shouldn't be happening another words I should keep an eye on them more often. The only injuries both my kids had ever received together in their life is three that needed hospital attentions. I was there not her or my husband..........me! I told her to back off and remember they are my children.
There were times she was be baby-sitting my children while I was working. She would go through my things, rearranged my kitchen cabinets, got into our file cabinets. I was so angry and she had a nerve to go into someone home and be nosy. She tells me that I shouldn't spent money on my nails and that I should save money to help out my husband since it is his income. Ha, I don't thinks so and my husband make a very good salary that I don't
need to save on my money that he sent home for us to live and pays the bills.
There are so many stories I can tell you but I can't put it all down in one night. My heart is hurting I feel that I am not good enough for her son. My Mom always tells all my Mother in law is his Mother but not his a lover or give him children. Her other daughter in laws is 23 and treats her like princess. So I am trying to find out what I did wrong? Since all this happened my Parents no longer like my husband for his behavior and treatments his family gives me. They called him a coward, and that he doesn't think of his family us!
You have been oversensitive from the start. When your husband's mother bought a ring for her younger son, that bothered you so much you will never forget it and even want to tell me about it. That is silly.
I think you and your hunsband's mother are just totally different kinds of people who might never be able to be friends. I can't imagine why you get her to babysit your children. I can't imagine why you went to tell her all about the accident your son had. I can't imagine why you don't live near your own mother while your husband is so far away.
Of course there's a possibility that you will not get along with your own mother either, when she starts to take an interest in your children. But maybe it will be easier for you to get along with her, than it is for you to get along with your mother in law. I think you are just one of those millions of young women who will never figure out how to appease their husband's mothers.
I write letters to older women all the time, trying to help them get along with the women who have married their sons. It is not easy. I wish I could make you understand how hard it is for her, but I know you would never understand, until your own sons get married. Then you will understand.
Until then, all you can do is try to make the wide gap in understanding a big smaller. Give a lot and expect a little.
Good luck,
GG
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