My story could lead to a number one national seller. My husband and I grew up together and were great friends from High School on. (We'll name him Dave so this story will make sense.) We kept in touch while I was away
at College in another state. A year after I graduated I got pregnant and moved back home (my boyfriend of three years ran off and well, that's another story....).
Throughout my pregnancy I hung out with Dave, but it was very platonic from my side. Dave, however, fell in love and wanted to marry me and make my child his from birth. His parents know me and actually liked the idea. Dave was the first person to hold my newborn daughter. I was honest to him and told him that I had to work my emotions out and wasn't ready to be married. I was gearing up to be a single mom! Well, over the course of 3 years we continued to spend a lot of time together as friends. His parents loved it.
Now, here comes the really bad part! Since, I told Dave that we were only going to be friends he began to date around. He "thought" he fell in love, got married and divorced within 7 months. His family has never experienced a divorce and certainly not this crazy of a marriage. Dave's mother and father turned against him.
Now, my story .... when Dave announced his wedding I knew it should have been me. I did not, however interfere in any way with the marriage. We actually cut communication during it. I then did the stupidest thing a human could do and married the first sweet natured guy that came my way to give my now 4-year-old daughter a dad. We lasted 4 months.....lesson learned!
Dave calls New Year's Eve two years ago and says let's get married. It's always been meant to be. So we did! His parents are thrilled for now. Right off the bat, I get pregnant. He immediately adopts my daughter. One big happy family?...NO. His mother begins with she thought we should have had a church wedding. (We were married by the Magistrate.) She's mad that we are having another child right away. She believes the house we bought was
too big....blah blah.
That statement sounded mean, but it all comes down to I did not include her in any of the BIG decisions we made. To sum it all up, she does not speak to me but she always speaks poor of me to the family. I have not confronted her due to the arguing is so bad between her and my husband that I'm afraid if I "pipe" up she'll cut him out of her life again. (It utterly devasted Dave when she did the first time and he painstakingly rebuilt their relationship). Needless to say, I don't think I have given all the examples to properly explain how bad things are, but this story is so long and it seems overly complicated.
My mother-in-Law also regards my daughter, whom is almost seven, as not-blood! I think honestly this infuriates me more than anything. She does it, I believe, because she knows how deeply it hurts me that she would hold anything against my child. I'm afraid I have held my tongue so long that I'm going to blow very soon and make a mess of everything.
Please help me to understand her actions and what I should do to build a better life with her.
Thanks!
I think you already have made a mess of it and now it's time to start tidying things up. Your story is not at all unusual and it sould continue to be a run-of-the-mill messed up mother-in-law situation if you let it. But that's avoidable. Just keep your mouth shut when she carries on about things that upset her. Try to live the life with her son that she would want you to live. never repeat anything she does to slight your daughter, and stay away from her as much as you can.
The relationship between her and your husband is her problem, and his. Don't get into that problem one way or another. If people in or out of the family are gossiping, ignore them. If your husband comes to you with concerns about his mother, tell him to go on loving her and assume that she still loves him. The most important relationship here is between you and your current mate. I hope you can make things stable enough for your children so there can be a true family feeling there.
Your best seller will end on a happy note if you can build your own family and not let any mother in law problems spoil it. Too many young families seem to have their happiness overshadowed by real or imagined disagreements with their in laws. Yours could be different if you could simply not let it rule your life. If your mother in law is spending too much time interfering with your own family, try to suggest some other activity for her to consume her interest.
You have finally landed on your feet after some not so great experiences. You can now turn this current marriage into a great success, if you refuse to let anyone else ruin it for you.. Never be rude or unkind to your mother in law, just politely let her know that you know what you are doing, and do it. She will find it hard to believe you, but show her by example that you know how to run your own family.
Good luck,
GG
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