|
Return to Granny's Query index
Granny's Advice By Rosaleen Dickson, BA, MJ
- Dear Great Granny.
-
My almost 2-1/2 year old grandson has hit the "I don't want to" stage. Whenever he is asked to do something he doesn't want to do, this is, of course, is his reply. This is his favorite reply when asked to pick up toys, relax a half hour before going to bed or being asked if he has to go potty. I was wondering if I could think of some "fun" way to pick up toys and go to bed would make a difference. My husband and I, as well as daughter, try our best to be patient with him and explain to him why he needs to do these things but I think it's just his age and enjoys hearing himself say it.
Our daughter tells us he doesn't act this way around his father, who is a law enforcement officer and goes to work at 4 p.m. All he needs to do is look at our grandson with a very disapproving look and he will do as he is told without question. This does not work with the rest of us, of course. My husband and I are having dejavu because
this is exactly how our daughter was at the same age and in hindsight, we realized that we weren't consistent with our disciplining.
You should also know that there is a one week old sibling and the last three weeks before the baby was here our daughter had a rough time and our grandson wasn't home much. He was either staying with us or his other grandparents. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Exasperated Grandma
- Dear friend
-
You've been through this all before, with your own children, so I don't know why you let it bother you now. As you mentioned, it's a stage that some children go through and maybe by the time you receive this reply, he will be past it.
If he likes to hear himself assert his disapproval of whatever is being proposed, that's fine. Every time he does something that pleases himself is good for his feeling of self worth. If it bothers you to hear him tell you what he doesn't want, you could tell him you'd rather hear what he does want. I'm forever telling my own grandchildren that I'm not interested in what they don't like but am extremely interested in knowing what they do like.
When he really doesn't want to be quiet for half an hour, or to pick hp his toys, or to go to the toilet, that's his
prerogative. In fact, you could stop telling him to do these things until this particular negative stage is over. Remember, though, that he likes to hear himself say what he won't do, so you will be depriving him of that enjoyment.
My suggestion is for you to try giving him as few directions as possible, simply because it annoys you to hear him say he doesn't want to. And then, if you forget and do give him some order that he doesn't want to obey, let him say he doesn't want to and that's that.
The world is not going to stop if he doesn't settle down and go to bed, or if he doesn't pick up his toys, or if he doesn't go to the toilet. Let him stay up until he falls asleep, pick up his toys yourself, and buy bigger diapers. Raising children isn't supposed to be simple. And actually, I don't know why you would worry about all this. He isn't your child to raise.
Good luck,
GG
Return to Granny's Query index
|
