When my son & daughter in law bring my two year old grandson over for the evening, he is allowed to run riot over my house, kick the windows, leave sticky fingerprints over the walls, windows and any other surface within reach, and is not put to bed at all.
Frankly I find a rambunctious child still up and running around at 10 pm is a bit much. They expect me to baby sit regularly. The child ignores me completely when his parents are here, though he does acknowledge me when I am alone with him. I am beginning to dislike this but my husband says I have to put up with it. And not say anything to his parents.
This is my first grandchild. Help!
What a decision you have to make. Obey your husband and you put up with a dreadful child. Make the baby mind you and he becomes a civilized grandson that you can enjoy. Of course you also have the child's parents to deal with. Your son's wife probably thinks she is raising the child correctly and would hate to have interference from you.
As a mother in law you are walking on a tight rope. All mothers in law have to do that. All I can suggest is that you take the easiest way out and that would be to go along with your husband, say nothing, don't complain, refrain from telling your son and his wife that their child is destroying your home, try to patch up the broken windows and other damage the child does, and plan to have him around as little as possible.
Don't let yourself be used as the perpetual free baby sitter. Make plans for yourself so you won't always be available.
Unless you thoroughly enjoy the company of that child, don't have him in your home except when absolutely necessary.
On the other hand, you could try to survive these difficult years and hope that as he grows older he will be more fun to be with. I get letters every day from grandmothers who miss their grandchildren and are very unhappy because they don't get to be with them enough.
You can't have it both ways. But if you decide that you're going to let him wreck your house so as not to become estranged, you might consider providing things for him to do in your home that are less destructive. Make up a toy box that changes as he grows older. Fill it with curious little things that will take his attention while he is in your house, not gifts for him to take home, but things that he can only play with in your house.
Let it be a surprise next time he comes over. And I think the best advice I can offer is that you should never discuss him with his parents, or your husband, or the neighbours. Just pretend all is well, and in time it will be.
Yours truly,
GG
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