We've had problems with our only child for about 8 yrs. He's now 24, married with a child 2 yrs. old.
Through all of his problems we've tried to remain supportive. We've had them living with us the first year
and a half of the baby's life. They are never really able to support themselves because they can't keep jobs.
Our daughter-in-law Is very rude, she never even says hello or good-by to my husband, even on Father's
Day when we were babysitting.
Last August I hurt my back and was no longer able to baby-sit. She had to pay for babysitting for the first time
and I guess she was mad. I didn't hear from them for months, I didn't even know where they moved to. I missed
my grandson so much I had to take anxiety medication.
Now it's Christmas and my son called wanting to renew our relationship. He wants to come for Christmas,so I
planned a dinner with all my daughter-in-laws favorite foods. Yesterday, my son called and said he couldn' t
come Christmas Eve and I heard her say she was going to visit her family on Christmas day. What it comes
down to is that I'm sick of being treated this way. I feel like I can't take much more, but I love my grandson
and want to see him. Help
I can understand how you feel but I guess what it boils down to is that all the trouble you had raising that son never ended. You still have problems with him and, of course, also with the lady he has married.
We always have dreams of how things should turn out but when they don't, we just have to accept things as they are; and this is not a perfect world.
You've been so kind and generous to them, having them live with you when they couldn't manage on their own, and looking after their child as long as you could. When your son came over wanting to be friends you continued in your generous way and your plan was thwarted.
Next time he comes over I guess you could greet him warmly and make him know he's welcome, but don't make any future plans. Let all the effort be on his part. If his wife also seems to want to be friends with you I'd just let her do what she wants but don't go out of your way. Greet them and be gracious.
As for their child, remember that even though you love him and have spent a lot of time caring for him, he is THEIR son. When he is older he will want to see you and might become a wonderful friend, but for now your best course of action is to let his parents make the decisions for him. Send him cards and even phone him once in a while. If they don't mind you visiting him, that would be nice too. But don't expect them to realize how you feel about the child. They will only believe that you are trying to alienate him and that you are critical of them. I think they need time to get themselves organized as a family, without any help from you. When they feel more secure about themselves, they
might become less afraid that you are going to interfere.
Meanwhile, you must move ahead with your own life. Cultivate old friends and find new ones. Do not get yourself into such a state of worry that you need medication. Have faith that your son will take care of his family, and find other interests for yourself. This world is full of fascinating things. Look around the internet and find something that seems like fun.
I'm sure you can enjoy life by yourself, without depending on your son and his family. Good luck trying.
Truly yours,
GG
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